Enoch the Red

Now this is a Cover Letter

2006-05-22T14:49:00.000-07:00

I actually received this at work from someone inquiring about a position:

--------------

5-20-2006

Dear Sir/Madame –

I am writing to inquire about the position that has recently opened up at your company. While I recognize that parting is difficult to do, it is the best thing in some cases. I am sure that whatever the reason was/will be for that one person’s departure and that they are/will be disappointed about being terminated, I am, truth be told, excited about coming in next week Tuesday or so to replace him/her.

I would like to start by saying that I am very excited about the opportunity to work with your esteemed firm and would like to thank you in advance for the generous offer. I have put in my two-week’s notice here and, though my boss & boss’s boss were disappointed, they understood that an opportunity like the one you have/will be offering me doesn’t come long every day (and especially not on Saturdays!).

You will note from the attached resume you requested a second copy of for your HR files that I am quite accomplished in the art of what it is that your firm does over there. I would also like to say that I am far more talented and efficient than the person who was recently in charge of doing it or is currently doing it is at doing it. I don’t know if you have noticed how much better it will/would be to have me doing that thing twice as thoroughly and with fewer coffee/smoke breaks over there than that other person who is not so great at it or underperforming. I have heard how you are/were rather fed up with his/her performance with regard to that thing that they are supposed to do better than they actually were/are (hence their subsequent/forthcoming departure).

As I have written before (in my first offer acceptance letter) I have been interested in working for your firm ever since I can remember learning about (insert company name here). I remember vividly reading or hearing and/or seeing your corporate logo in a local/national newspaper/billboard or in-flight/hotel room complimentary copy of that magazine your firm was in. It was a very intriguing logo and/or piece and it really piqued my interest. From that moment on, as you can tell from my resume, I have been working very hard to position myself in such a way as to make it near impossible for me not to accept your gracious offer (or for you to offer me more money & vacation time). Sometimes when I am not doing or thinking about other things, I think about achieving/having achieved that dream and about how proud my parents are/would be and how much better you feel/would feel about having me work there every day rather than that other person who is doing/was doing the thing that is the job that should rightly be mine instead of theirs.

Anyway, I am glad you are as convinced I am the best person for that job as I am over there. And, knowing our/your firm as I do (as well as from the looks of your logo), I know you will immediately recognize my potential to do better than the sniveling incompetent that is currently/was until recently responsible for it.

On a personal note, I hope/am glad to hear that that one thing has finally been cleared up and that you and yours are doing well. I also wanted to congratulate you on your recent promotion/new car/wedding. I was happy to hear that everything is well with the house/neighborhood/liver and that the future at (insert your firm’s name here) is as bright as you are talented.

I’ll see you on Thursday!!!!!!

Thanks again. I wont let you down.

Sincerely,

Jasmond Latrelle

My Late Night Interview with Overstock

2006-05-13T07:14:00.000-07:00

> Welcome to Overstock.com's Customer Service Live Chat! You will be joined with a chat representative momentarily.
> Welcome to Overstock.com Customer Service, you are now chatting with Clark.
>Clark: Thank you for visiting Overstock.com. How may I help you today?
>you: Hi, Clark. Package shipped yesterday and I can't find the tracking on the site.
>Clark: I am sorry to hear that and I'll be glad to help you with that.
>Clark: To help you better may I have the order number or invoice number please?
>you: Daniel Collins [Street Address typed]
>Clark: May I have the email address which is registered at Overstock.com?
>you: hello?
>you: croolwurld@earthlink.net
>Clark: Thank you for the email address.
>you: De nada.
>Clark: Thank you for verifying your name and billing address, Daniel.
>Clark: Are you referring to '14kt Cultured Freshwater Black Pearl Strand (6.5-7 mm 18 or 16 inch)'?
>you: Yep. You're welcome, Clark.
>you: So, what's up?
>Clark: Are you referring to that item?
>you: Yes, that's the item.
>Clark: Thank you for the confirmation.
>Clark: I reviewed your account, I see that your item was shipped on 05/11/2006.
>Clark: Normally, from the order date it will take 5-10 business days to reach you.
>you: Yes, that's what I said.
>you: And?
>Clark: I am sorry that our warehouse have not updated the tracking information still.
>Clark: Please be assured that your item is still in transit.
>you: And that is because? I paid for upgraded shipping.
>you: It would be nice to know . . .
>Clark: Yes, I am sorry for the wrong information.
>you: I guess you're a real person, but you type a little like HAL from 2001.
>you: What wrong information?
>Clark: I see that you have paid for the one day shipping.
>you: That's correct.
>Clark: Your item takes 3 busines day from order date.
>you: Can you please notice whatever else there might be?
>Clark: You will receive your item by 05/15/2006.
>you: Oh, does it? It said one to three.
>you: And it doesn't inspire confidence that you all can't find the tracking.
>Clark: If you have not received item by this date, please let us know.
>you: Oh, by Monday, huh?
>you: And what leads you to believe that?
>Clark: I am really sorry for the inconvenience caused in this regard.
>you: That's fine. May I type with a supervisor?
>Clark: It our 1 day shipping time frame.
>Clark: I will be glad help you with your concern.
>you: What your one day shipping time frame?
>Clark: Best I can do is I will forward a note to warehouse to update the tracking information.
>you: And how is it that you propose to help me?
>you: Wonder why that didn't happen today when I spoke to Junior. He's the one who asked me to chat back this evening.
>Clark: Yes, 3 business days is the time frame for 1 day shipping.
>you: Okay. Well, let's see. This shipped on the eleventh, yeah?
>Clark: Yes, it is shipped on 11th.
>you: This shipped on the eleventh, it's the twelfth, and you're saying that it willl deliver Monday, the fifteenth?
>you: By my reckoning, that's two business days.
>you: What's the guarantee that it will arrive Monday, or will I go through this rigamarole again, then?
>Clark: Please be assured you will receive the item by monday.
>you: And how much is it to ask that I get tracking for this?
>you: Where are you all located?
>Clark: If you have not received the item by monday, we will issue the shipping charge back to the credit card.
>Clark: We are in Utah.
>you: I really don't mean to hassle you, Clark, but this blindness about tracking really stinks.
>you: And I just wonder, when would I be able to expect a reply regarding tracking>
>you: If I were to ask the warehouse to "update" shipping info?
>Clark: You can expect the tracking information within 24-48 hours.
>Clark: It will be updated on your account.
>you: Bwahahahaha!
>you: So you're saying that I'd get it by Sunday night?
>you: Can you explain why it's not available now?
>you: Shouldn't this be kind of automatic?
>Clark: I can understand your concern.
>Clark: Please give us 24-48 hours to update your tracking information on your account.
>you: But/and/however?
>you: I don't blame you.
>Clark: I will see this personally done for you.
>Clark: Please be ssured that your tracking information will updated within 24-48 hours.
>you: Because management wants you to take the heat for this incomprehensible lack of business communication?
>you: Ridiculous.
>you: Please rest assured . . . please give us . . . Clark, I came to YOU guys for something.
>Clark: I am really sorry for the inconvenience caused in this regard.
>you: But hey, maybe there are people wanting to chat whom you CAN help, so I won't waste more of your time.
>Clark: I will forward this issue to our forward this issue to our research team.
>you: Let your people know . . . yes, you said that . . . but please try to type less like an automaton.
>Clark: We will contact you within 24 hours as soon as possible.
>you: Let your people know that according to Dan Collins, this sucks.
>you: *Rolls eyes* Okay, Clark. Thanks for trying. Have a good weekend.
>Clark: Is there anything else that I can help you with?
>you: Well, you haven't been able to help me with anything yet, Clark, so no. But again, thanks for trying.
>you: Bye.
>Clark: I absolutely understand how you are feeling right now and to be honest, I would have felt the same.
>Clark: I truly apologize for the inconvenience this has caused to you.
>Clark: Thank you again for visiting Overstock.com. Have a great day!
> Chat session has been terminated by the Overstock Service representative.
> You are not currently in a chat session.
> You are not currently in a chat session.
>
>

Giving Bush His Due

2006-05-11T11:24:00.000-07:00

I got the idea for this post from Mark belling, a local conservative talk-show host in the Milwaukee area, and oft-tapped fill-in for Rush Limbaugh when Rush is... err, doing what Rush does when he's not doing his show. So, don't blame me for the topic.

Belling points out that no matter how often it is said and pointed out and proven that reducing taxes increases Gross IRS tax revenue and bolsters the economy, the Left either: 1) cannot canceptualize how this could be, or 2) is so desperate to live in Neverland that it fails to concede the point in the face of overwhelming data which speaks to this truism of economics.

Works like this, for example: reduce the capital gains tax and, go figure, more folks retire their holdings for liquidity instead of leaving their assets in asset form. When assets are liquified, taxes are realized because Income has occurred. When investors do not retire their stocks, et cetera, no tax is realized, as no income has occurred.

Taking it one step further, whether individuals or corporate entities, when assets are liquidated, there is more cash on hand to spend. When businesses and individuals spend money, they spend it on products... products (demand) have to be produced to meet the demand, and hence businesses flourish, thereby hiring and employing more folks. The more people making money, the more Income tax that is paid. The healthier the economy and the more liberally businesses hire, the more money is paid out in Income to people, who then pay taxes.

So, while the DOW is set to hit record highs, fewer than 5% of the America's eligible workforce is unemployed, and tax revenue has grown by 11% over last year for the same period (first 7 months of 2006 and 2005, respectively), the left continues to beat its drum pertaining to budget deficits and repeating the tired old, and fictitious mantra that tax cuts are evil and are somehow linked to greater Federal Budget Deficits. Again, either they are dumb, or know the truth and simply cannot face that this is a crock.

All things being equal, if Tax Revenue is up, how is it that the deficit continues to grow? Simple: spending is the problem. the feds cannot help but to overspend on pointless junk. But without the increase in Federal taxes collected, wouldnt the deficit be larger still? The answer is yes! So, in fact, lowering taxes has a positive impact on the deficit, all things being equal.

It is not an opinion. This is fact. Not open to debate. But of course open to revision.

Al Bino Offended by DaVinci Code Portrayal

2006-05-09T10:20:00.000-07:00

Castlebury - MD

ROOT - so we're told you find the DaVinci Code film offensive. How so?

BINO - well, for its depiction of Catholic Church.

ROOT - well, okay, but what specifically?

BINO - Okay. Well, for starters, everyone knows DeVinci himself hated the Catholic Church.

ROOT - Really?

BINO - Really. Hell, he was an artist. I mean, he was just in it for the money. It's not like he was really inspired or anything. Shit, he was in it for the paycheck.

ROOT - And your source for this info?

BINO - Look. being an artist myself, let's just say I know he wasn't really into it. I can tell. I mean, for instance, the Pieta... not his best work... now, before you say anything, let me explain.

ROOT - but DaVinci didn't ...

BINO - It was a statement of what the Church has done to humanity.

ROOT - It was Michelangelo who ...

BINO - the Church, being Mary in this case, holding the dead "Christ" in her arms. Of course. the Christ represents humanity.

ROOT - err...

BINO - He was totally known for his secret messages and stuff in his work and stuff.

ROOT - uh huh...

BINO - And so to look at his work, in this case the Pieta, and say 'oh, look... it's "the Virgin" holding the crucified "Christ" seems a bit rediculous.

ROOT - And how do you figure that's not precisely what Buonarroti was looking to depict?

BINO - Because it just doesn't seem like him. I mean, if I were him, I would have done the same thing. What do you mean, Buonarroti?

ROOT - Michelangelo. Isn't it more likely that it is just that... the Madonna holding the corpse of Jesus?

BINO - More likely? I should say not. He was nothing if not an artist. It's not like they didn't have causes and stuff like that back then. I mean, today it's all about uncovering misogeny and corporate corruption... back then they had their own set of sensitivities. And, anyway, the fact that Buon-arro-ti, err, Michelangewhatever carved it proves how mysterious he was.

ROOT - Ummm. Okay. Enough on that. You said you took offense at the depiction of the Church.

BINO - Well, yeah. I mean, sure they had a couple evil priests and numeraries and shit like that, but that was just token stuff.

ROOT - Token?

BINO - Well, sure. I mean, look what they did during the Inquisition and stuff. No mention of it in the movie. And no mention of excorcisms either. No child molestation, no gay sex. I mean, I think the director really failed to stick it to them.

ROOT - Well, some might say that's a repugnant view of the world's most charitable institution.

BINO - I don't think the mother who wants an abortion in Mexico and wants to be a priestess in the Church would agree.

ROOT - Ummm.

BINO - I mean, let's face it... push comes to shove, most Catholics are just stupid, brain-washed, small-minded, politically-incorrect, folks riding on the coat-tails of Protestants.

ROOT - What?

BINO - All I am saying is if any good comes of this film it will be that we finally all get to see the true Catholic Faith at work. Mysterious folks living in the shadows, cannibalism, mysticism, Albinos, sexually-repressed, gay priests, child rape, starvation, intimidation... you know, all that stuff. it's about time the world wakes up to the true nature of the church.

ROOT - But what you said is highly-offensive.

BINO - Hell, it's nothing all of us aren't thinking already.

ROOT - nor anything they haven't been saying for a couple millenia.

Patrick Kennedy Does DC: A One-Act Play

2006-05-07T12:56:00.000-07:00

DC Cop: "I think that he's claiming that he's a Kennedy, sir."
Captain: "He looks like a Kennedy."
Patrick: *Gurgle*
DC Cop: "He sounds like a Kennedy, sir."
Captain: "That he does. But we must exercise caution. Administer the test,
Sergeant."
DC Cop: "THE test, sir?"
Captain: "Did I stutter? Yes, THE test."
DC Cop" "Yes, sir!"

DC Cop: "Mr. Kennedy?"
Patrick: *Gurgle*
DC Cop: "Please step over here and put your toes on the white line. No, your
. . . here. Good."
Patrick" *Gurgle?*
DC Cop: "Yes, that's fine. Now, extend your arms out to the side. No, up
a little."
Patrick: *Gurgle?*
DC Cop: "Yeah, that'll do. Now slowly bend over and stick your head up your
ass."

. . . . . .

Captain: "He's a Kennedy. Drive him home, boys."

Should I be Offended? Or will you be offended for me?

2006-05-04T14:25:00.000-07:00

Terrible Terry O’Tate

says:

“maraíonn tú caife
go ngrúdaí tú mo”

Terry O'Tate and the Forces of Sensitivity

2006-05-04T06:35:00.000-07:00

As with most office environments, we have folks who take the last cup of coffee and do not see fit to brew another batch. This, along with leaving dishes in the sink instead of rinsing them and putting them in the dishwasher, is cause of no little concern for some of the more OCD among our staff. Much gnashing of teeth has occurred in the ranks of management to figure a way to "modify" this poor behavior. It should be said, however, that the Management really does not care so much about the politics of office hygine, but rather has been moved to act, as is often the case, by the rattling of cages of a handful of employees who find dishes in the sink disturbing. Similar is the origin of the concern over "killing the coffee" and failing to brew more. So much has been made of this travesty that it has become somewhat of a joke. That Management is adamant about correcting this injustice instead of spending their efforts on matters which are of import to the well-being of the business is not lost on the folks who work here.

So, it is no surprise that someone posted an image of Terrible Terry Tate behind the Coffee Maker that reads "Terry Tate says: 'if you kill the jo, make some mo." If you have not seen Terry Tate, the Office Linebaker, you will find the reference odd. Yet, if you take the time to view an eposode of Terry Tate, you will see that it is about the funniest thing on the net. The pieces are produced by Reebok and are pure comic genius, in my humble estimation.

Suffice to say, someone here at work found the material potentially offensive. To put this in context, of 50 employees there is but one black guy. And he reports to me. When he saw the picture of Terry tate and read the message, he laughed out loud...because all folks, no matter their color, find Terrible Terry Tate, the Office Linebacker, hilarious. Unless of course they have no sense of humor to begin with.

Anyway, Management had to remove the notice once it was brought to our attention that it might be deemed offensive and pose an HR problem. Daigham, the only black guy in the entire building, noticed and wondered where Terry had gone to. So, I told him. He said, "geez, the next time someone wants to be offended for me, it would be nice if they asked me permission first. Hell, I thought it was funny."

We then discussed the "intention" of the well-thinking person who brought it up to Management (anonymously of course). Daigham wondered how they turned such an innocuous and entertaining poster into a race issue. He wondered aloud what kind of person would assume to be offended on his behalf (which he did in fact find offensive and degrading). He then said something which I think was right on the money:

"The poster itself was Black and White...it was funny...but the person who complained only saw the color of the man on the paper."

Cable Gouging

2006-05-03T08:53:00.000-07:00

"NEW YORK (AP) -- Media conglomerate Time Warner Inc. reported Wednesday that its first-quarter profit climbed nearly 60 percent..."

When can we expect to see our governors on the steps Time Warner demanding profit caps to relieve the high cost of cable? One wonders... my guess? Never.

- Root.

Get Gassed

2006-05-02T04:43:00.000-07:00

I am sorry to say that my own governor, Governor Doyle (D-WI) has jumped on the bandwagon. Yesterday, he called for caps on so-called "windfall profits" of companies like BP and Exxon. If he understands the concept of Net Profit (profit after expenses and taxes), he sure didn't demonstrate it yesterday on the steps of the capitol building. If you're wondering, yes he is up for re-election. But let's just try not to be cynical. Maybe he is truly concerned about the consumer getting "gouged."

Last week I received an email from one of my clients that had nary to do with our business-relationship. Rather, it called for a boycott of Exxon/Mobil. The argument was tired and stale, but she circulated it to no fewer than 50 email addresses. I couldn't help myself. I had to respond. I commented that if the politicians really wanted to do something about prices they could do it themselves unilaterally without tearing down the shareholders of Exxon and BP and the like (who are no doubt sleeping in today while cashing in on the windfall profits.)

Here's how to knock down the price in Wisconsin overnight, Mr. Politician:

1) place a moratorium on state and federal taxes on gasoline.
2) reduce the mandates for specialty blends of petrol to say 5 nation-wide (there are currently in excess of 50.) Thank you very little, Mr. Environmentalist.
3) build more refineries (this country hasn't built a new one in over 30 years.) Thank you once again, Mr. Environmentalist.
4) allow for nuclear power plants, thus alleviating the need for so much fossil fuel
5) allow for drilling in the continental US, thus alleviating a percentage of the supply pressure (then again, even a supply gain of 10% isn't so much.)
6) stop blabbing about Ethenol (which is less efficient and more costly than gas.) This is distracting our efforts from valid alternative energies, such as Hydrogen and Greasel.

That the environmentalists and the farmers have their sway in the politics at the pump is fine. That the governor is so quick to capitalize on the pain at the pump and place it on the doorstep of "Big Oil" is ludicrous.

I don't know where we should begin. I suggest teaching our kids about economics, politics, and the beauty of the free market economy. Have faith in the private sector, cause the politicians have faith that we are all dimwitted sheep. Don't fall for it.

If 10.5 % Net Profit is too much to suffer, one wonders if he will be calling for a cap on the profits of the makers of Da Vinci Code (the movie), the Pottawatomie Tribe (casino magnates), or government contractors. Or, would that crimp the gravy train running on time?

There's Something Going Wrong Around Here

2006-02-27T04:52:00.000-08:00

When I was a child in elementary school, I was told, along with every other child, that I could one day be president. It was a great reassurance of the value of hard work and provided a sense of optimistic opportunity. The presidency was a possibility.

I went on to learn a good deal over the following years. Most importantly I leaned what my strengths were and what my weaknesses were. What I excelled at and what I was not so good at. I would not become a professional basketball player, as it wasn't meant to be this particular lifetime. I wasn't meant to be a football player, as my size would not allow it. I wasn't likely to be a great thinker, as I found I was sharp, but not that sharp. I wasn't meant to be a swimsuit model, as I didn't have the lines for it. It seems I was meant to be slightly better than average, to accomplish slightly more than average. I found I had a proclivity toward music and I excelled at the arts in general. I was a good soccer player, but not Pele. I was a decent downhill skier, but not likely to be an Olympian. My gifts seemed to be slightly above average, but not overwhelming. So, I discovered what I could reasonably expect. I didn't cry about it, curse the moon, or fall into woe. Rather, I learned to play to my strengths, bolster my blind-spots, and became realistic about what was truly possible for me this time around.

But America has become steeped in a strange disorder. No longer do the children of America see glaring limitations. No, they have been brainwashed to believe that they can be anything they set their hearts to. A five-foot teenager believes he is the next Spud Webb. Throngs of kids with zero musical aptitude purchase guitars convinced they are the next coming og Jimmy Hendrix. Heavy-set/big-boned girls wear halter tops and sport bikinis my skinny wife wouldn't have thought fit to wear even in her prime. It is truly bizarre.

I am convinced that American Idol reveals something desperately wrong with my country. We have become a nation of delusional, would-be superstars. Each child is beautiful. Each teen is talented in the arts. Everyone is an award winning marine biologists in waiting.

At some point in my childhood I came to learn I could not in fact become president. But the epiphany happened in my childhood. Why then are so many surprised that they can never, under any circumstance, no matter how hard they work at it, become the next Mariah Carey?

What the hell is going on here?

The Trojan Horse is within the Walls - Part 2

2006-02-19T06:52:00.000-08:00

A year and a half ago, I wrote that the Trojan Horse was within the walls. I contended at the time that eventually all people will come to have to choose sides. The logic still holds, sadly, today, as it did in late 2004.

The Islamofascists know well what they are doing. We must give them credit for this. There is a Quickening of sorts happening throughout the world with respect to the true aims of the Islamofascists.

In the aftermath of 9-11, we were told that the murderers were "fringe elements" who had not just hijacked planes, but hijacked a religion. We were warned not to extrapolate the aggregious act accross the entirety of the Islamic peoples of the world. So we didn't. "Hate crimes" against Muslims in response to 9-11 are in the single-digits even today. This is a testament to our self-control as a populace.

Europe, the left's oft-cited blueprint for a utopian US, is at present coming unhinged. When I wrote in 2004 about the Trojan Horse being within the walls, I considered Europe lost. Even today, I wonder if the countries of Europe learned anything at all from the failed policies they employed in the interwar period. Peace at all costs, it turned out, came with a massive price tag. Hitler did not want peace. Hitler wanted to dominate and force the non-Aryans to submit.

I am reconsidering my opinion on whether Europe is up for the challenge it now faces. I am hopeful that they are actually oming to their senses. The mainstream media in Europe continues to be ultra-apologetic and self-hating, as any good liberal must be today, but nonetheless, the populaces of the European countries are notably less tolerant of the bullying tactics of their burgeoning Muslim immigrant populations.

Additional hope comes to mind when I contemplate the Cartoon Riots taking place throughout the west and "on the Arab Street." Why today it is reported that Nigerian rioters burned down several Churches and killed some 15 Christians in the process (some of whom had sought sanctuary in the churches themselves). Even in light of these hate crimes perpetrated against my own brothers, I don't think I will be marching in the streets of Milwaukee today seeking to avenge those deaths. I am guessing Al Sharpton will not be either.

But the riots have served as a hard one to dodge for the left. That people throughout the world are protesting, burning, killing, and destroying property in response to cartoons published by the liberal media throughout Europe poses an interesting front. The left, the champions of all things Freedom of Speech, is also desparate to convince us that the main of Muslims are very reasonable, loving neighbors. Harmless really. Islam, after all, is a religion of peace... This has been the left's mantra for the last 5 years. But now that Islam is not just taking on Christians, Jews, and Hindus, but are taking on liberties such as press freedoms and the exchange of ideas, and have demonstrated they are willing to kill over cartoons, the left has been forced to wake up a little.

I am still convinced, sadly, that it will take a nuclear attack (or dirty bomb attack) in downtown Chicago to force people into some rather uncomfortable coalitions. But eventually, when this does occur, the apologies will finally stop, the self-loathing will abate, and the left, the apologists for all things morally equivalent, will wake up and realize that while none of us want a religious conflict, that is what we have on our hands.

I will say it again, for anyone who will listen, the Muslims do not want to peacefully co-exist, they wish to dominate us as they dominate their women. We are not human in their eyes. They do not wish to debate, to discuss, to exchange ideas, or talk about liberty. They wish to slam the Koran down our throats or kill us in the process. We are the infadels. The unclean.

They are getting smart. They have hijacked some of the European institutions, have managed to make some of our more "progressive" folks promulgate the self-loathing and hand-ringing conscience of the Christian west, and are now busying themselves with flying our own machines into our respective, though related, western cultures.

In the end, we will have to defend ourselves. It is sad, this us and them paradigm... I would be the first to find it so... but sadly, it is true. Not because we want it that way. No. Rather because we are running out of excuses for their behavior.

By their fruits you shall know them.

Down the Well - The Law of Unintended Consequences - Part 1

2006-01-24T14:42:00.000-08:00

My Toilet:
In an effort to reduce water usage, low-flow toilets became all the rage... and then, lo and behold... law. Studies have demonstrated that overall toilet water use to dispose of refuse has increased as a result of having to flush multiple times.

My Well:
The DNR of Wisconsin recently mandated special dispensation for those of us with well water, in an effort to reduce "undesireable runoff". When I contacted the city attorney to see what could be done after the dispensation due date had come a passed, he indicated there was nothing to do but get rid of the well. I had the well tested and it was cleaner than a nun's rap sheet. So, I went back to the City Attorney and showed him the results.

"They're committed to this, Mr. Collins."

"But there is no run-off issue here. The water is pure."

"You know that and I know that, but that's not the point."

"What is the point then?"

"Who gets paid when you're forced to be on the grid, Mr. Collins?"

"Oh, right... I should've known."

So now, good readers, I will be taxing the MMSD for resources, when before I was just fine. In addition, I had the city water tested. My Well Water was by far more pure.

Bottle-Feeding:
In the mid-50s & into the 60s, there was a massive push to provide powdered milk donations to third-world countries. God knows, feeding at your mothers breast when she can barely clothe herself is not a good idea. So, we shipped it down, subsidized it, and ran it through the World Bank. Guess what? hundreds of thousands died. Turns out, the recipient parents mixed it with... get this... water (per instructions). Something about microbial bacterium.

Devils in the details I guess.

I Came, They Saw, They Killed Me

2006-01-22T05:29:00.000-08:00

Here I was just minding my own, doing a little exploring when suddenly I was corralled like a cow and forced into a harness against my will. Then some giant steel behemoth pulled along side and I was winched out of the water. I was scared and exhausted. I could hardly breath. Some strange men were patting me on the head and speaking thoughts that I took for conciliatory.

I liked my chances better that I could find my own way home, but they insisted I was "lost."

London looked interesting, but I wondered why these particular folks felt compelled to kill me.

-Whale

Chapter 1 - Enoch's Turn

2006-01-03T18:58:00.000-08:00

Whistleblower
The Story of an American Middle-Manager

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

George Bernard Shaw , Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists”

“You need to find out who above Kirk gives a shit.”
- Tim to Jarvis

Chapter 1 – Enoch’s Turn

“Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood.”
- General George S. Patton

The O’Coileain House – Christmastime - New Berlin – WI - December – 2004
Jarvis O’Coileain stared at the screen a week before Christmas Day contemplating his options. It was clear that his career with CARPS’ Newgate Division was to be short-lived. Now he would have to find something else to do. And that sucked, because he liked working Newgate (for the most part). He liked the people (for the most part), liked his job (for the most part), and really didn’t like the thought of being pushed out on to the street… especially over the holidays. It was cold outside this time of year. He thought of his young family. His 3 kids. It was scary. But mostly, he thought about his reports; they were damn fine people (for the most part) and if he were going to make it right… for them… for himself, he would have to execute with absolute precision.

But the more he thought about his current situation, the more determined he became to put up a good, vigorous fight.

…

“Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duty, and so bear ourselves that, if the British Commonwealth and the Empire last for a thousand years, men will still say, `This was their finest hour”

- Sir Winston Churchill, 1940

…

Jarvis thought of this quote. Only his war had nothing to do with the British Empire. But it did have its parallels to the challenge the British faced in 1940: insurmountable odds and being alone in the world. Charity without Justice offended him. Being taken advantage of made him angry. But being bullied and intimidated made him burn with anger and resentment. He began to shake. He was furious. Jarvis would not be turning back.

...

Date: Fri, 17 Dec 2004 21:52:09 -0800 (PST)
From: "Yahoo!"
Subject: Welcome to Yahoo!
To: colonelroot@yahoo.com

Dear Enoch Root,

Welcome to Yahoo! Mail, a smarter way of keeping in touch. With a whopping 250MB of email storage, message size up to 10MB, and great virus and spam protection, it's hard to believe it's free! Have fun using your Yahoo! Mail account!

Sincerely,

The Yahoo! Mail Team

...

“Have fun using your Yahoo! Mail account!” That an automaton script had processed his new Yahoo! Mail Account and churned out this message was poignant in some way Jarvis recognized he couldn’t fully appreciate. The phrase was enough to make him laugh out loud. But it wasn’t a “this-is-really-funny” type of laugh. No. This laugh came from a much more desperate place: laugh as the final frontier… the laugh of a man who finally says “fuck it all” and decides to get naked, paint himself blue, tie a rope around his neck, and run screaming in berserker-mode into well-disciplined enemy lines. Or again, it was the laugh of a disgruntled federal employee on top of a post office with a high-powered deer rifle. Or, it was the last gasp of a man who decides to jump from the burning building rather than be roasted alive. But mostly, it was a laugh that came from a place that felt compromised, stressed, miserable and tired. Why are you making me do this?

-----Original Message-----

From: Enoch Root

To: michael.mcdaougal@carps.com

Sent: 12/17/2004 10:05 PM

Subject: carps

Mikal

am employee. need to cover identiti. worry bout things i think shoul;dshare. worry bout saying them cause dont want lose job hiding id thru yahoo little feel shuld say w/o concrete dtail but do not blive cansay w/oproblm for me wud like to blive i can b opn w u bout it but not sur gud 4 me what can expect if serious, serious, many, many msconduct can pruv atexec lvl? like co feel responsibility to say whatshud do?

root

__________________________________________________

Do You Yahoo!?Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com/

Jarvis had taken the first step. And now there would be no turning back.

Deer Hunting, Retro-Style

2004-11-18T11:04:00.000-08:00

This week I was invited to go deer hunting with several of my wife's uncles. I gratiously accepted, making sure they understood I am not genreally regarded as an outdoorsman. I have gone camping several times in my lifetime & have enjoyed it each and every time. There was the time I go t busted for underage drinking, there was the time I got geeked up on shrooms with a couple close accomplices. There was the time we pissed off the park ranger. All in all, I have had more excitement in the woods than most folks have at an urban house party. But this time will be different.

When speaking to the only guy here at work who has gone deer hunting, he suggested I do my provisioning at Barnes & Noble. He also referred to it as "redneck meditation". I asked him if he had any pointers, to which he said, "when you get there, shoot the guys youare with, steal the car & drive back home". Now, while funny-as-hell, it got me to thinking about what I plan to do with myself for 2-3 days solid in the woods.

I went toBarnes & Noble last night & picked up a copy of Zen; a Beginner's Guide. While paging through it last-night, I noted the pages were empty. I imagine my shotgun barrel may remain that way, too.

Arafat Hanging from a Thread

2004-11-09T13:05:00.000-08:00

Paris, France - Doctors in Paris were slow to confirm a change in the status of Yasser Arafat's health. but Random Root has learned that the 73 year olds doctors have indeed moved the Palestinian patriarch from the Hovering Ward of the complex to the Hanging on by a Thread Ward. Details we were able to gather indicate that the latter ward offers more southwestern exposure and also overlooks a small flowerbed. Frequent readers of Root may recall that many were suspicious about the reports regarding the hovering status of Y. Arafat. We can now difinitively say that one is only rarely permitted into the Hanging by a Thread Ward without first passing time in the Hovering Ward. The Catholic Church has refused our requests to interrogate the observers that were dispached from Rome early Sunday morning. We are tracking down other potential leads who may have witnessed Yasser Arafat's hovering.

Developing...

Yasser Arafat Hovers Between Life and Death

2004-11-08T07:31:00.000-08:00

Paris, France - Yasser Arafat is reported to be hovering between life and death today in a French military hospital. The more skeptical observers claim this is more than improbable & bordering on the realm of the impossible. "Not since Jesus' water-walking incident have reports of something so fantastic taken such root in the press," commented Fr. John Frockless Jacobiac. "This is as lurid a show of one-upsmanship as I have witnessed," he added.

Christians, Muslims, Jews & Hindus have dispatched thousands of observers to the scene to verify the startling claims. "They talk as if he is just floating out there, bouncing between life, on the one hand, and death on the other. I have to see it to believe it," says Professor imbroglio Panacea, embedded reporter with the German 1st Armoured Division, on assignment in Paris. "To think that life and death have concerned themselves so with one human being is outrageous. To think that bragging rights have resulted in this type of tug-o-war over the likes of Mr. Arafat is unlikely at best."

Developing...

The Rift Appeared Today

2004-11-08T06:36:00.000-08:00

In today's political commentaries, it is clear that the lefties are coming to terms with defeat. I was temporarily amused & then genuinely concerned when reading all of the possible reasons for the decisive victory the conservatives enjoyed. When my father asked me if I was gloating, I mentioned I did have to, as the left's post-election panic was providing more satisfaction than any gloat could afford. I mention that at first I was amused... then concerned. The reason for concern was that each day the commentary from the left focused on what was wrong with the 59 million of us that voted for Bush. Predictably, first we were dumb religious zealots, then we were backwards simple-folk who were too busy drinking out lite beer to really fully comprehend the decision at hand. It went on like this for days... rarely did any of the left step out of the self-serving fray to apply some self-introspection. Today, I saw just that. But, I fear for the majority of the minority it will remain easier to point at their dim-witted uncle than to examine themselves in the proverbial mirror. I will enjoy this round of vigorous civil in-fighting possibly more than the last, as the self-annointed elite try to figure out what to do about Uncle Red, while Uncle Red continues to sip his domestic beer and watch the tele in the corner, pausing every once in awhile to take in the sights & sounds of the "reasonable" beating each other's brains out.

The Breeding Factor

2004-11-07T09:24:00.000-08:00

We in the Red States love our big families. There is a marked increase in the size of families witnessed at Wal-Mart, the gun ranges & family functions, such as weddings. It would be unthinkable in the Midwest or South or Southwest to ask folks to leave their kids at home for a wedding reception or the like. I have heard it cited in a recent poll that conservatives report a higher satisfaction with their sex lives than liberals (which kind of surprised me, truth be told). Maybe its that our women are angels in the kitchen & lions in the bedroom. Or, maybe its that we are generally more realistic when it comes to things in general. For instance, it is one thing to fantasize about making it with the entire Sweedish Women's Ski Team... It is quite another to think that even a solid young American man could handle it on his own. The point is that when I fantasize about stuff these days, at the ripe old age of 36, I invariably take the next step. That is, I think about all the down-sides I would likely encounter should the opportunity present itself. I ask myself, "would my wife be pissed?", "would they be disappointed that I could not service them all in one night?", "would they find my modest beer belly offensive?", "would they respect me in the morning?", "what the hell would we talk about afterwards?". After spinning myself out over all of these questions, I would end up thinking about my wife... she is not offended by my beer belly, I can handle her to her satisfaction, she doesn't mind my jokes & also doesn't mind waking up with me. The point here is that fantasies are great, but reality is better. I believe there is a place for hope & for utopian thoughts. I do think there is a function to the dreamy world the lefties envision. But like porno movies or nudy bars, the realist understands the empty promise, discounts the hype, goes straight home after work, hangs out with his family, enjoys it, lays down with the kids until they are asleep, reads a little in the silence of his home & wakes up the next morning satisfied to do it all over again. No wonder they have the blues. While we in the Red States keep breeding, they in the Blue States keep fantasizing about it. Let 'em. We'lll happily breed them out of the gene pool.

The Trojan Horse is within the Walls

2004-11-06T09:02:00.000-08:00

In reading an article on the murder of Dutch Film-maker Van Gogh by a batch of Muslim Jihadists, it occurred to me that Europe will soon be forced to choose sides... The choice will be as follows: Christianity or Islam. The Jihadists do NOT in fact want to change our civilization, nor become part of it... they wish to destroy it. When it gets really ugly, there will be no center... and each will have to choose a side. My suggestion: breed like bunnies, take your kids to mass, and teach them the difference between God & allah.

Texas Toast vs. French Toast

2004-11-04T21:05:00.000-08:00

The 2004 Presidential Election is upon us. With tensions running high, the polls are confusing at best, but there are many indications that Americans are making the choice to re-elect George W. Bush for another four years. I've heard many analogies given to the presidential candidates, but perhaps the best way to describe the race is Texas Toast versus French Toast.

Texas Toast is often served on the side of grilled meat. It's cooked over a pit of fire where it gets tougher with each heated flame that's thrown at it. The butter and garlic salt that's pasted on its tough surface serves as a warning to evil. After undergoing its trial by fire, the bread helps to reinforce a substantive meal of steak or chicken that helps to strengthen the body through protein. Not everyone likes the experienced taste of Texas Toast, but to those who make it part of their meal or barbeque outing, it helps to reassure them that they are getting a more well balanced meal.

French Toast is a much softer form of toast. Often served with maple syrup or syruped fruit which serves to soften the toast even more and make it flimsy at best. Some prefer their French Toast with a side of bacon or sausage, while others prefer to have it with runny eggs or a side of fruit. To decorate a plain slice of French Toast, sugar is often dusted on top to make it taste sweeter and appear more attractive. It's appearance is often characterized by a confusing, perhaps hypnotic swirl which adorns the very center of the bread.

John Kerry has been joined in his campaign by the fruits on the left. His Democratic Party lacks the substance needed to back up the claim that he would make a good Commander-In-Chief. To cover up Senator Kerry's many shortcomings, he has been adorned with syrup and sugared up in an effort to appeal to those who would even consider chewing his policies. Kerry's attempt to sweeten his candidacy has only served to weaken his convictions even further.

President Bush has served the country for four years and has been tested under the open flame of a partisanship that has made itself very widely visible. Despite all of the vicious attacks from Michael Moore to CBS News, the President has grown stronger in his convictions and has proven himself the true leader in this race. He is the toast of Texas and the toast of the nation.

There are many other analogies to give the comparison between the two candidates - Churchill vs. Chamberlain; Joe Louis vs. Billy Conn; Flipper vs. an aircraft carrier - but most prefer to compare Kerry to a waffle; he waffles on positions and has very few core convictions.

Kerry's convictions appear to be tied to an attitude of appeasement and defeatism that view the United States as the inferior aggressor in a global effort to maintain peace through international (albeit corrupt) bodies like the U.N. Kerry lacks the conviction to lead the United States as a sovereign nation. John Kerry feels that our interests are tied to those of terrorist nations that would seek to do us harm and leverage their own power against us in the U.N. According to John Kerry, it is the United States that has alienated our allies (France, Germany, and Russia) from the global war on terror - when in fact it is the Russians, Germans, and French who have alienated themselves by aiding the enemies of the United States. Even while we were fighting against the Iraqi Republican Guard, the French and Russians were selling weapons to Iraqi forces and helping them transport weapons across the Iraqi border before our troops arrived. There is no other conclusion that can be drawn from the evidence that we now have.

Now the question becomes: who do we want for our Commander-In-Chief - the strong Texas Toast or the weak French Waffler? I've already made my choice. I'm going to enjoy having Texas Toast for the next four years. I already eat French Toast for breakfast.

-Youn' John

Root: Exit Polls Were Correct

2004-11-04T12:16:00.000-08:00

When I heard the early exit poll results, i commented to a co-worker that the sample looked about 2 points off in terms of women to men sampling ratio. I did some quick math & found that even considering the probable inflation of women to men ratio, that alone would not make up for the wierd picture it conveyed.

I then commented to myself, "myself, you are a smart, smart guy... whay would this look so lopsided?". I then went to the bathroom & stared into the mirror for awhile checking myself out. When I had re-affirmed my self-importance, I reported it to one of my subordinates here at our very large office before finding my way back to my own office, which is situated away from the rabble proletariat that report to my-self. I mentioned to the subordinate in question (name not important here) that it must be that Democrats have more free time during the day & probably vote early. Now, I know this sounds pretty rough. But I thought it through & said it anyway to this other subordinate as well. He walked away fuming with the thought that Republicans do not have so much free time during the day & tend to vote after 5pm.

Then, when I went home to my house in the suburbs & parked the car in my garage & went in & sat down on my couch to watch my large TV, it struck me that there was something else I could add to my analysis on the heels of the analysis I had been listining to on the tele. I said to myself, "could it be that lefties are more likely to share how they voted with a pollster after casting their ballot?". I answered it myself without any one else's help. The answer was YES. What a bunch of Narcissists!

Where's the Beef, Kenneth? (an open letter to the losers)

2004-11-04T07:57:00.000-08:00

In the interest of Americans Coming Together, as encouraged by our beloved George W Bush, I extend the following olive branch to the vast left-wing minority.

I am a right-winger, and as venomous about defending GW as you are at hammering on him. I am also a part-time political junky. I offer some suggestions for your consideration. You may or may not like them, but I encourage you, in the name of good sport, to consider them:

1) Kerry NEVER played to the Black or Latino vote. I was amazed at how few traditionally "minority issues" were even mentioned by Kerry’s campaign. I was glad to see Bush stick it to the partisan NAACP & likewise thrilled to hear folks finally speak about how the Democrats have taken & continue to "take the Black vote for granted". While W only gained 3 modest points in this bloc in contrast to 2000, "every vote counts". Add to that the blacks who couldn't bring themselves to vote for Kerry & the Dems, but also couldn't vote for the W and I think it is safe to say the Republicans have made some real progress. And, if rumors are true that Ms. Rice is to ascend to Secretary of Defense when Mr. Powell resigns... well, actions speak louder than words. In addition, Bush grabbed an additional 10% of the Latino vote, 24% of the Jewish vote (up 7 points from 2000) & a majority of the Catholic vote (at 53%). This bodes well for the Republicans, bad for the Dems.

2) Kerry is a LIBERAL (in all caps). It was a HUGE mistake to put him on the ticket. Dean & the far left bank killed him in the primaries. But they buried him when Kerry was "outed" to the nation for being what he actually is. When Kerry had to out-lefty the LEFTY, he was terminally screwed. Playing to the hyper-left was the first glimpse most of America had of the Senator. First impressions are hard to shake, no matter how often you retool the tool.

3) YOU NEED TO FIND SOMEONE FROM THE SOUTH IN YOUR PARTY IF YOU ARE TO HAVE A CHANCE. Where you will find him, I do not have any clue. It is clear if he/she is out there, he/she will likely come from the private sector, as there aren't any congressmen south of Mason-Dixon.

4) Terry M. & Nancy Pilosi have to go away. These two have really helped to motivate the republican base and alienate the moderate Dems (who seem to be going the way of Bigfoot & Nessie). The hate they operate with is contagious & obvious & it looks bad... bad.... bad. Take a cue from Rove: never in the spotlight. Always behind the scenes.

5) Don't try to be everthing to everyone on every issue. You cannot. Rove & team won because they are realists who don’t give a minute to trying to carry states they cannot carry. They didn't bother chasing shadows in CA, OR, WA, NY, ME, et cet. In W's own words, the Architect was looking to “raise the pie” (LOL) among the CORE constituents in CORE states. The election results prove-out that he has done so. The next step will be to clean-up voter registration standards in place in WI & Iowa & Minnesota & Michigan. When this is done, we will find out how these purported Swing States really cast their ballots. I have a feeling we all know what the real results will demonstrate when photo IDs are required to vote. Only then will every vote count & count only once!

6) Stop talking to each other about how you agree with each other. YOU MUST spawn new socialists/progressives/liberals. If ideas are like viruses, start coughing on people & stop washing your hands & have unprotected sex... a lot. Praising each other over lattes in LA does NOTHING FOR YOUR CAUSE.

7) Nobody acknowledged the ballot initiatives in key states. The Evangelical vote is thoughtful, but not cunning. It shouldn't have snuck up on you like it did. Were you really counting on minorities & kids to come out in droves for a Mass. Stiff? CRAZY

8) You and your friends need to ditch the abortion issue. If not abortion accross the board, certainly partial-birth abortion. The issue is a pox on your plank & you cannot win in America while embracing it. It is not intellectually tenable when you get right to it. And, what's worse, you know it & still embrace it.

9) On why Bush won, I was treated to the following in the bloggospher. It is written by aristc@zoomtown.com :

“The unavoidably obvious explanation [for why Bush won] is that Americans are by-and-large morons. Simpleminded, uninformed and undereducated, intellectually lazy and proud in their ignorance to boot, self-important and self-righteous, arrogant and benighted idiots. They are a reflection of George W. Bush, and in him they saw themselves. That's why they love him and trust him so. Their reality is the faith-based myth that America is blessed and always right and great and perfect and freedom is handed down by God and not manmade constitutional governments and cultures of tolerance and inquiry. The are certain that the "real" America is in the unpleasant, xenophobic, homophobic, red states in the middle, where everybody has a white picket fence in the brain and they don't seem aware of their own squalor and the fact that they make ends meet only because the far more prosperous blue states continue to subsidize their light beer guzzling.”

Stop repeating this mantra to yourself. I am a post-graduate degreed professional from a top-flight school. I live in Wisconsin (willingly) & I am literate!! Believe it or not, I traded my pedigree to be a family guy. I do not miss the wine & cheese-tasting party thing. I do not “star fuck” celebs when I meet them & I do not take anything Hollywood spews out seriously. Likewise, I do not take intellectual lightweights seriously. If you guys are serious about winning, you need to get off of this train of thought. To harbor resentment for those of us intellectual exiles in fly-over country is one thing. To show it/write it is another. It resonates VERY poorly out here in the "countryside." The left’s smug resentment of anyone who disagrees with its socialist agenda is matched only by the resentment we on the Right feel when we hear/read such tripe.

Could it possibly be that this mandate for George is because you continue to cling to a bankrupt philosophy that only appeals to self-proclaimed elitists, government employees, union teachers, groups like NOW & countries like France? There is something to that “company you keep” thing. The long list of intellectual midgets who agree with your contentions reads like a who's who of town idiots.

I hope you collected a lot of autographs in your elitist circle-jerk, ‘cause I think it may have cost you the election(s).

The old marketing truism tells us it takes a little sizzle to sell a steak. Maybe you guys have a bit too much sizzle & no steak at all.

This begs the question: Where’s the beef, Kenneth?

Root

Possible Themes for Blogs Today

2004-11-03T12:24:00.003-08:00

1) The Stayed Home in Droves
2) Elitist Circle-Jerk Abruptly Interrupted, Results in Blue Balls
3) Where's the Beef, Kenneth?: Dems All Sizzle & No Steak
4) Dems Blame God & Rural Procreation Trends for Defeat
5) Pro Osama Bin Laden Ballot Initiative fails in 39 States
6) Michael Moore & Alec Baldwin Lick Each Others' Balls

Absentee ballots tainted?

2004-10-29T13:45:00.000-07:00

Rumors are spereading that absentee ballots in florida are tainted with somesort of powder. Heard from a guy in parking lot next store. Any credence to this?

Murder & NASCAR - maybe we deserve what we get

2004-10-29T08:29:00.000-07:00

Abortion: the swing issue?
In Pennsylvania, the votes of pro-life Democrats may prove a powerful force on Nov. 2
Friday, October 29, 2004By Paul Kengor
It is the quiet issue of the 2004 presidential election, but it remains etched in the minds of liberals and conservatives, of the most devout secularist and most pious believer: abortion. It is especially salient in Pennsylvania, a battleground state that may have more pro-life Democrats than any other state.

Paul Kengor, author of "God and George W. Bush," is a professor of political science at Grove City College and a visiting fellow with the Hoover Institution.

Among the left, a John F. Kerry victory would be viewed as not just a win for Democrats but a huge victory for legalized abortion, just as a Bush re-election would be a continuing triumph for forces allied against legalized abortion.
Consider what President Bush has done to slow abortion's long march: Before his inauguration in 2001, Bush spoke privately with Colin Powell. He told the pro-choice Powell that as secretary of state he would be expected to purge any vestiges of the Clinton State Department's program to promote global abortion rights. Powell agreed to follow Bush's lead.
On his first day in office, Bush authorized a ban on all U.S. funding of international abortion rights groups, reversing President Clinton's executive order. He appointed pro-lifers to key Cabinet posts, such as John Ashcroft as attorney general and Tommy Thompson as secretary of health and human services.

In August 2002, he signed the Born Alive Infants Protection Act, which provides for the protection of a child who survives an abortion. Now, that child must be protected rather than destroyed by a doctor or nurse, regardless of whether his or her birth was desired. For decades, infants who survived abortions were left to die.

In January 2003, Bush signed the "Sanctity of Life" bill. Especially significant, he did not veto the Republican Senate's March 2003 ban on partial-birth abortion, which President Clinton had repeatedly blocked. For the two years prior to that ban, the Bush Justice Department had lent support to local efforts to prohibit partial-birth abortion at the state level. Eventually, in November 2003, he signed the partial-birth abortion ban passed by Congress.
It was telling when a few months later at the Solemn Mass for Life at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington, D.C. -- the largest Catholic chapel in the United States -- a packed throng of anguished Catholic faithful, kneeling in prayer after taking holy communion, listened intently while the presiding bishop closed the mass with a surprise message from the Protestant president. When the Bush letter acknowledged the ban on partial-birth abortion, the solemnity was interrupted with a burst of applause. The most recent polls show that pro-life Catholics will vote overwhelmingly against the Catholic Kerry and for the Protestant Bush.

Indeed, a telling difference between Kerry and Bush is how their faith relates to their positions on abortion. Bush believes that a life in the womb is a gift from God that should be protected. Kerry's position is more complicated. In the final presidential debate on Oct. 13, he said, "My faith affects everything I do, in truth. ... And I think that everything you do in public life has to be guided by your faith, affected by your faith, but without transferring it in any official way to other people." He explained that this credo explains "why I fight against poverty," "why I fight to clean up the environment," and "why I fight for equality and justice," all of which he as a legislator transfers in an official way to other people. The only area where Kerry seems to not allow his faith to influence his public life is abortion.

A President John F. Kerry would shape the direction of the court, starting with the U.S. Supreme Court, filling the courts with pro-choice appointments, and rejecting pro-life judges. Kerry would be the most staunchly pro-choice president ever. At the 2003 NARAL Pro-Choice America Dinner, where he described pro-lifers as "the forces of intolerance," Kerry boasted that his maiden speech as a freshman senator had been in support of Roe vs. Wade. On Aug. 2, 1994, on the Senate floor, he stated: "The right thing to do is to treat abortions as exactly what they are -- a medical procedure that any doctor is free to provide and any pregnant woman free to obtain. Consequently, abortions should not have to be performed in tightly guarded clinics on the edge of town; they should be performed and obtained in the same locations as any other medical procedure.... [A]bortions need to be moved out of the fringes of medicine and into the mainstream of medical practice."

In April 2004, Kerry took a rare timeout from the presidential campaign to appear on the Senate floor to vote against a bill that would make it a crime to harm a fetus during an assault on the mother. Kerry also joined a Senate minority in voting against a ban on partial-birth abortion.
The pro-life constituency that would be most crushed by a Kerry victory is Catholics. No other group has so doggedly led the fight to halt abortion, and a potential Catholic president stands poised to undermine that progress. What Pope John Paul II has described as the "culture of life" could be hindered by no less than a practicing Catholic in the Oval Office.

Pennsylvania is a kind of poster child for the pro-life Democrat, for the Bob Casey Democrat. For each one of those, there is an adamantly pro-choice Democrat in Philadelphia or on the campus of University of Pittsburgh or University of Pennsylvania. And make no mistake: Both sides know what is at stake on Tuesday.

If I See Another Fish with Legs & the Word Darwin in it, I Might Kill Someone

2004-10-28T11:44:00.000-07:00

Fundamentalists and literalists claim that Creation (not evolution) most accurately describes mankind’s genesis & that of the universe. Humanists, on the other hand, work tirelessly pointing to irrefutable evidence to support the argument that Natural Selection, rather than the touch of a creator, best explains how we came to be.

What kills me each time I speak to someone who professes the one (whether “creationism” or natural selection) at the exclusion of the other is the lack of imagination & sheer intellectual laziness demonstrated by framing the discourse as a zero sum equation. To me, this is one of the cases where both prevailing opinions are very, very wrong. To assume that creation & evolution are mutually exclusive is evidence that man only sees what he wants to see… only believes what he wants to believe…

There are a few of us who actually believe the two are likely married. That is to say, there are those of us who have no problem whatsoever nodding to the evidence that indicates that evolution is likely a function of creation, rather than its chief antagonist.

That the anthropological evidence supports Darwin’s Natural Selection is not a matter of faith, but rather one of acknowledging fact & truth. The archeological record is written in stone & preserved in resin. It is, in short, undeniable. That the universe is inexplicably & seemingly boundless is also inexplicable. That the system of the world & universe are governed by hard fast & immutable laws and that the heavens, for all the chaos they seem to portend, are predictable in observance of those laws is also irrefutable. For those that believe that to accept Natural Selection is to turn your back on the Creator, as well as for those who have turned their back on creation as a plausible scenario for all things in the universe, the proposition that the two are inextricably con-fused should feel intellectually honest & easy to accept.

Imagine a world where there was nothing to learn, nowhere to explore, no understanding to be revealed. Imagine a finite universe. Imagine the world painted in a palette of grays. Imagine, just for a minute, that there was as much to understand in this lifetime as is contained in your average racquetball court. Most folks would see this as a horribly dull alternate universe. In fact, it is likely that most of us would likely die of boredom given a year or two of suffering it. Sales of Pink Floyd records would spike along with the price per share of the major razor blade manufacturers. But this begs some monumental questions: Who would give a crap whether we were bored or not? Who would bother to assemble bones in the dirt for us to dis-cover? Who would create such an elaborate universe for and why? How come we cannot venture any deeper into the sub-molecular level? Why are our efforts thwarted for the first time, not for wont of technology, but rather by our inability to observe sub-atomic behavior beyond a given point due to the “nature” of the building blocks we strive to observe themselves? Is there any credence to the saying, “the more we know, the more we realize how little we know?” What is this perpetual learning curve humanity seems to be on? Is it finite? Will there be a time where the mysteries of the universe are truly known? How much is there to learn?

I leave these questions to those who have the Real Gift. I leave them to the philosophers & the great thinkers of present, past & future. In the interest of furthering this line of thought, I impart a story that I have carried around with me for a long time. Maybe this is why I hung on to this experience for so many years. I pass it on to make what you will of it.

When I was a teenager of about 15, I came home from school to find “Wally” doing laundry. Wally’s given name was actually Walterine Hill. She was hired as help around the time I was born. She had become a member of our family by the time I was 1. She covered a lot of shifts for my mom while she was in hospital & really was like a second mother to me. In any event, Wally would ask me daily what I had learned in school. This particular day I was more interested than usual to share what it was I had learned that day because I had, in fact, learned something that had truly fascinated me & gotten me to thinking. So, I told Wally that I had learned that the moon shines on account of being illuminated by the Sun’s light, rather than moon-light produced by the moon herself. She found this of interest, but reacted in a way that surprised me. I had explained the phenomenon analytically, but she saw it as something more. Wally saw it as even more evidence that God knew what he was doing when he crafted the universe. “Child,” she said, “you know I never knew that. But it doesn’t surprise me in the least. God works in mysterious ways”.

Now, for some of the more elitist flies on the wall, this would appear an intellectual cop-out of sorts. I mean, it is generally accepted among pop cult-ure devotees that demonstrating how the mechanics of the moving parts operate de facto removes the mystery out of the equation. Essentially, the culture that gives you “let me stick my hand in his side to repair my disbelief” often sees scientific explanations as victories that take god out of contention as the authoring force behind inexplicable mysteries of olde. For Wally, on the other hand, that moonshine functioned this way, rather than that, just reinforced her intuitive understanding of the true nature of the universe. This example sang to her soul & served as yet another instance of God and His majesty at play. “How can that be?”, the Saab-driving, Macintosh using, dual income, no kids motrosexual asks himself & his latte sipping peers. It can be only if you recognize that this universe & everything in it were authored by an incomprehensible chain of events purposefully choreographed & set to a grand waltz of definitively set rhythms, patterns & laws. These pulleys that we see around us… these ropes and weights & bearings… they were created. And they are governed by an equally fascinating set of invisible forces, such as torque, gravity, tension, &c..

Am I telling you that all of these fantastic things, be they planets, satellites, comets, humans, penguins, light, gravity, plants, dinosaurs, fish, birds, black holes, wormholes, were created? Yes. Why would you have me believe such a thing? Because it is infinitely more probable that this monumental apparatus is the work of one Creator, than the fantastic probability that all we observe is accidental.

Al-Cockeyed Weapons Cache

2004-10-27T09:29:00.000-07:00

The "Looney Left" is at it again. The New York Times is recycling an eighteen month old story as a big "October Surprise" in an effort to supplant Bush's strong leadership for failed Iraq policy. John Kerry has taken the bait: hook, rhetoric, and iceberg.

NBC has brought attention to, much to their credit, a story from 2003 in which the Army's 3rd Infantry Division arrived at the Al-Qaqaa weapons facility in April and found no HMX or RDX explosives. Seven days later, the 101st airborne division arrived at the Al-Qaqaa compound and searched the surrounding area for WMD's.

The IAEA had found HMX and RDX explosives at the Al-Qaqaa site and had marked them shortly before the war in March.

Two very interesting questions are raised in this story: 1) If Sadaam Hussein did not possess WMD's, then what do you call 380 tons of HMX and RDX explosives? 2) What happened to the 380 tons of explosives that went missing? The first question is a rhetorical riddle that undermines the very argument that the left has been making for eighteen months now - there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. The second question is intriguing, because it's being reported that one truck could hold 10 tons of explosives - 38 trucks might hold 380 tons of explosives, but if all of the roads are being blocked by U.S. military personnel - how do you sneak 380 tons of explosives out of the Al-Qaqaa weapons facility with a large military presence surrounding it? Could it be that the Iraqis have discovered a way to make space teleportation technology real? Beam me up, Ahkmed!

When "shock and awe" comes to a Syria near you, we may very well find 380+ tons of explosives with a little IAEA tag on them.

In the meantime, we'll let John Kerry continue to use the Times' eighteen month old story until it blows up in his face like a pound of HMX explosives. When you're this full of shit, you need the big newspapers to clean it all up. Oh and when we C-BS, we'll report it.

Wouldn't It Be Nice

2004-10-25T08:03:00.000-07:00

Good morning, Bush campers. The polls are looking good, but there is still much work to be done so I'd like to start your day off with a little Beach Boys:

Wouldn't it be nice if it were November,
And we wouldn't have to wait so long,
And wouldn't it be nice if Bush won Florida,
And New York, Ohio, and Washington.

You know it's going to make us that much safer,
When we can swear in Bush who'll neeeeever waver.

Wouldn't it be nice if Thune beat Daschle,
And we had Obama just drop out,
And wouldn't it be nice if Russell Feingold,
Said something to make him lose his bout.

Teresa Heinz Kerry is quite offending,
I wish her campaign quotes were neeeeeeever ending.

Wouldn't it be niiiiiice...

Maybe if we win by larger margins, then it might come true...
Maybe then, election lawyers, we wouldn't have to deal with you...

We could keep Congress ... we could keep Congress,
And still have the White House ... and still have the White House.

Wouldn't it be niiiiice...

You know that if we do not get our vote out,
The Democrats are gonna steeeeal elections,
So let's getttttt the vote out...

*Wouldn't it be nice if California,
Started voting straight Republican,
And wouldn't it be nice if Ms. Pelosi,
Moved to Paris or-may-be Iran.

*You know the liberals think that they're all smarter,
But I'd take Reagan over Jiiiiimmy Carter.

Wouldn't it be niiiiiiice....

Flipping and flopping, baby...
Shootin' your mouth off, baby...
Flipping and flopping, baby...
Shootin' your mouth off, baby...

*The extra verses have been added in, because I just didn't want to omit them.

So go volunteer, make the calls, put up the signs, vote absentee (or at the crazy early polling places), and win one for the Gipper.

How the Fourth Estate became the Fifth Column

2004-10-19T21:33:00.000-07:00

– Daniel P Collins, MD, Naples Florida

Framers of the Constitution recognized the need for a Free Press to report on governmental action to the citizenry. They accorded unique privileges to the news media to protect and ensure this vital activity. It is now obvious, with the secret ABC memo, and the “60 minutes” debacle, that the media does not know the difference between freedom & license or that privileges always carry concomitant responsibilities. The media has shifted from a legitimate mission of reporting the news to a mission of creating the news. In so doing, it has become the “Fifth Column”*, undermining & eroding the Republic from within. The media manipulation of the election environment to insure a close election, great copy for press & TV, calls for encouragement of visceral hatred of various groups: bad for the nation, but newsworthy. They gleefully & dishonestly set to work. After all, the ends justify the means: the creation of news. Honesty, morality, ethics or National Welfare be damned. The Fifth Column has a job to be done!

*From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Fifth column stands for any clandestine group of people which works inside a nation to undermine its strength (psychological warfare), while at the same time the nation suffers a direct attack from a foreign power. The term was coined by General Mola in a radio address during the Spanish Civil War (1936–1939). As a Nationalist general, he sent four of his army columns to capture Madrid, which was being defended at the time by the Republican forces. The general referred to his hidden supporters inside the capital as his fifth column. Originally, the term was used by Leon Trotsky as name for the Fifth Army, which was founded as an elite military unit during the Russian Civil War. In the aftermath, Ernest Hemingway wrote his one and only play entitled The Fifth Column, which depicts the role of the two protagonists, a writer and a journalist, during wartime. The title hints at the similarity of the protagonists with the supporters of Emilio Mola, as both were performing "behind enemy lines" influence.

Announcement: Root to Outsource Blogs

2004-10-18T14:26:00.000-07:00

Please consider the following: 1) there is a strong desire for RR to promulgate "home-grown" 'merican blogs, 2) the marketplace expects up-to-the-minute, "newsworthy" commentary from its bloggospherian authors, 3) our readership has dipped 20% in the last few days with the passing of Ed Radcliffe, 4) I am expected to do actual work while at work, 5) the government is as of yet unwilling to subsidize my blogging.

I hereby announce that I will be the first blogger to outsource my blogs offshore to so-called "ghost-writers" living in exotic places such as China, India, Pakistan & some place called Canada. The quality may not be equivalent, but in the spirit of multi-culturalism & the interest of the bottom-line, this decision is final.

First outsourced blog to appear this evening.

Breaking News: Prince of Darkness Endorses Kerry

2004-10-18T13:19:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of anonymous at RealClearPolitics.com:

The Devil Endorses Kerry--in a rare move the Devil has endorsed John Kerry to carry out his evil deeds. The Devil was quoted as saying "W is messing with my best soldiers, Bin Laden, Hussien, Qadaffi, and the Mullahs in Iran, I'm endorsing JFK 2 to give my evildoers a fair chance." Showing great concern, the master of evil asks that all faithful Demoncrats go to the polls on November 2 to send God a message that you can't push evil around." Joe Lockhart and Terry McAullife agreed to make a maximum effort to get out the Demoncrat vote. Terry stated that with the election coming so close to Halloween he was confident he could mobilize the Demoncrat base to deliver the USA to Satan and deal a crushing blow to GWB and the doers of good. The press conference ended with the media shouting in unison "support satan vote Demoncrat, support Satan vote Demoncrat." McAuliffe asks that all Freeps and christian nuts report to a local congregation where Demoncrats will give them train tickets to special camps for disposal.

Queen of the Space Unicorns to be Outed in January

2004-10-18T11:44:00.000-07:00

Insiders at the Kerry campaign have confirmed that if Kerry gets the nod in November the Queen of the Space Unicorns will be "publicly outed" by his administration.

The reporter formerly known as Dan Rather was unavailable for comment on this late-breaking story. RR was also unable to ascertain whether the Queen of the Space Unicorns is to be outed as a gay man or as a lesbian.

Speaking on terms of anonymity, Terry McAuliff commented that since dubbing himself QOTSU and in light of his recent breakup with Binary Woman, Rather's sexual proclivities are "fair game".

In other news: Dick Cheney said to have lesbian daughter.... Story developing.

Root 0 , Captain Obvious 0

2004-10-18T11:33:00.000-07:00

Existing wagers:

$5 CO believes we will know who our next president is within 3 days of election. Root disagrees.
$5 Root believes the US will suffer a 9/11 style attack before or on election day. CO disagrees.

No odds are given at this time.

One for the Courts...

2004-10-18T11:13:00.000-07:00

The term "Court" has its roots somewhere in the Gaelic language, but as with most things Irish it has been bastardized from day one. From Bailey Court in New Gate prison of olde England to the grass tennis courts of Wimbledon, the word "court" has taken on strange new meanings. As in 2000 it is very clear that this election will end up in court. What will we do come May 2005 when we do not yet know who is to be litigated president of our nation? Unknown. Unprecedented. One thing is sure, much like a tennis ball the election will bounce back & forth over a network of laws & precedence, sometimes loosely tied at the post, but taught & sagging in the middle. On that court will really occur the trial of the century. While the throngs of lawyers muck up the litigeousphere, Who will pass judgement on the goings-on of the state? Who will have their eye on the real ball? Will we have a similar situation of facing inward while threats gather & excecute us? Will the president, whomever he shall be, be welcomed with the next 9/11 while toasting his lawyers during the post-game interview? What will the loser look like in orange as he is dragged away kicking and screaming by the bailiff? Baileys, anyone?

News Flash: Swift Boat Veterans For Truth Discredited!

2004-10-17T17:20:00.000-07:00

According to the ever reliable E! Online News service, the Swift Boat Veterans have been discredited. Apparently John Kerry was in Cambodia on a secret mission and received a magic hat from a mysterious CIA operative.

Exactly what the Swifties have been discredited on was not made clear by the article, but you heard it here first, folks. Sinclair Broadcasting Group has failed to comment on whether or not the documentary they plan to air will also be discredited.

Hat tip to Kim for this..."news".

All The News That's Fit For John Kerry

2004-10-17T17:16:00.000-07:00

The old "gray lady" has endorsed President John F. Kerry for President [sic]. The New York Times describes his vacillating between issues as "blessedly willing to re-evaluate decisions when conditions change." Wow - blessedly! We should be so lucky to have a Commander-in-Chief who will bless us with such a trait. I'm willing to bet Maureen Dowd wrote this glowing piece, but you could make the case for just about anyone at the Times. The Times, no doubt, had a printgasm over this little masterpiece. Some would call the endorsement a journalistic editorial; I call it garbage.

Undoubtedly, Kerry reads his own praise everyday to perk up his sagging campaign and has taken a que from a misquotation. The New York Times Magazine writer, Ron Suskind has written a piece claiming that President Bush will privatize Social Security. We could only hope that Social Security would be privatized so that the elderly could live in boxes and eat dog food [sic]. Unfortunately, the rumor is not true and the quote that Suskind uses is just plain wrong or out of context. Yet, John Kerry was down in Florida today telling old people how fed up he is with politicians trying to drive a wedge between voters. He then proceeded to drive a wedge between Social Security and the truth.

In their latest TV ad, the Democrats use the quote from the New York Times article to claim that Bush is going to privatize Social Security. The author of the article, Ron Suskind, is a registered Democrat, but that's a prerequisite for working at the Times.

How To Make Scary Kerry Scarier

2004-10-15T17:41:00.000-07:00

I came across an article awhile back on CNN's financial website that deals with this year's Halloween Mask Prediction for the election. This year's sales have, so far, indicated that Bush will win re-election in November. So I am offering some advice to help boost Kerry's costume sales in his bid for the presidency.

First: Liken John Kerry more to "Lurch" from the "Addam's Family" (if that is possible). Flaten the skull and mess the "oh so perfect" hairline. Add a green tint and a protrusive bolt or two in the neck line.

Second: Create a costume motif by having your friends dress up as supporting characters:

1) The Diabolical Dr. Dean: Liken him to the crazy professor "Dr. Frankenstein" or "Dr. Van Helsing" who has created this monstrosity of a candidate (an experiment gone awry). His shrill cackle is sure to haunt even the toughest of wills. (It's alive! It's ALIVE!! ... YEAGHHH!!!)

2) The "Bride of Frankenstein": An eccentric foreign woman - someone the monster cannot be without (for monetary reasons), much to the detriment of his candidacy and the Villagers' public opinion of him. This shrewd witch's recipes will only bake when Family Circle adds a dash of toad testacles and some gin soaked raisins.

3) Finally, add in Sen. Edward Kennedy as the "Wolfman" whose moonlit exploits on Chappaquiddick Island have brought out the animal in him and driven him into the role of attack dog.

If that doesn't work, have them go to the Hallow's Eve gala as Al Gore: Scruff up their hair, add plenty of makeup and 30 lbs. of weight. Stir... er, Spin well until most voters are baked.

Calls from the Grave

2004-10-13T12:50:00.000-07:00

Mark Belling & Rush have both commented on a statement made by Kerry saying he received a heartfelt phonecall from Mr. Reeve on SATURDAY thanking him for mentioning his name & cause on friday night (during the debate). News from the Reeve family is that Mr. Reeve was in a coma Thurs Fri Sat which he never came out of.

How exactly did he call Mr. Kerry on Saturday?

Why Do They Remain Silent

2004-10-13T12:25:00.000-07:00

I recently received a forwarded email from Americans For Life on the public apathy towards the support that John Kerry and other liberal senators have given to partial birth abortion. Some brave Catholic bishops and Christian organizations are speaking out on this issue. I've gotten permission to post the following email from Americans For Life:

Hello, below is a letter I sent to members of the National and local press regarding www.americansforlife.com. As you can see not one of them are picking up the story that we are trying to tell about Senator Feingold's and Senator Kerry's support of partial birth abortions. We are currently running radio ads on WISN in the greater Milwaukee area, soon to be running radio ads in Madison and the Fox Valley. We are able to do this because some of you who have contributed very generously to our efforts. To date we have spent over $10,000 and will spend over $20,000 in the next three weeks. If we had more contributions we could get this story on TV. Please consider helping us with your contribution...also please send this email to all of your friends and associates. Thank you very much, Norm

Greetings, we have started a 527 in Wisconsin to inform the public about Senator Feingold's and Senator Kerry's position regarding partial birth abortion. We are running radio ads...soon to be across the State. We have sent press releases to all of you (both conservative and liberal "reporters") and not one of you have picked up this story. Does the media have a "code of silence" regarding partial birth abortions? Our radio spots have been rejected by a few radio stations...censorship? But, you who are supposed to inform the American public about politicians stand on critical issues to our Nation...remain QUIET about this issue. The barbaric way in which we kill our children goes on every day of the year and you remain SILENT...Why?

While the moral fabric of our society and Nation are being destroyed by this act of depravity..you say nothing. Please don't call me an extremist...the medical Doctors who perform this act with sharp scissors and suction catheters and the politicians who vote to continue to allow this "procedure" are the extremists! I would further suggest to you that you are aiding and abetting them by your SILENCE. The free press in our country is one of our redeeming values...please practice the freedom of the press.

In World War II the German people remained silent while Hitler and his cronies committed unspeakable acts agains the Jewish people, Catholic priests, Protestant Ministers and others. Dr Josef Mengele did some very terrible things, but even he would be amazed that the American press and American people are silent about what we allow to "save the Mother's life"! Mengele and Dr Ernest Rudin believed the following:

"If Mengele himself became a cold-blooded monster at the height of his Nazi career, he certainly learned at the feet of some of Germany's most diabolical minds. As a student Mengele attended the lectures of Dr. Ernst Rudin, who posited not only that there were some lives not worth living, but that doctors had a responsibility to destroy such life and remove it from the general population."

We now have a "bunch" of Doctors who "posit" that some lives are not worth living and that they have the responsibly to destroy these lives and remove them from the general population! These lives that they are removing are BABIES who are less than one year old who reside in what should be the safest place in the world....their Mother's womb!

When will they stop....when will you report what is happening.....why do you remain silent?

If you live in Wisconsin and this issue concerns you, which it should, then your vote should be going towards Tim Michels for the U.S. Senate and George W. Bush for U.S. President. These are the only candidates in these races who will maintain the ban on the murderous practice of partial birth abortion in which the doctor jams a scissors into the skull of a child that is being partially delivered and then vacuums out the brain of the helpless victim.

The Exploitation of Superman

2004-10-12T22:50:00.000-07:00

We all know Christopher Reeve for his role as the man of steel in the 1978 Superman movie. Reeve's work for spinal cord paralysis research was noble, indeed. However, the ignoble Kerry campaign has reached a new low in exploitation.

On Friday, Senator Kerry gave an argument for embryonic stem cell research during the debate where he linked himself to Christopher Reeve. This seems highly suspect to me and it appears that Senator Kerry may have known about Reeve's possible complications before the debate. In the past week Reeve had suffered a systemic infection from a pressure wound. He was not hospitalized until Saturday when he suffered a cardiac arrest. Saying that Kerry knew about Reeve's condition when he exploited him on Friday night is just speculation, but it's very plausible.

On Monday, Senator Edwards took the next step and exploited the death of Christopher Reeve. In a campaign speech he gave to supporters in Iowa he told them that, "when John Kerry is president, people like Christopher Reeve are going to get up out of that wheelchair and walk again."

Look to the media in the next couple weeks to continue mentioning Christopher Reeve's support of embryonic stem cell research in conjunction with John Kerry. The Kerry campaign will try to exploit Reeve's misguided support of embryonic stem cell research as the kryptonite against George W. Bush.

With Christopher Reeve Gone, Can the Debate Over Stem Cells Die Too?

2004-10-11T06:58:00.000-07:00

Just curious: Now that Mr. Reeve is gone, can the issue of stem cell research be retired until further notice? Seems like we have bigger fish to fry.

Blunk Drogging

2004-10-09T20:04:00.000-07:00

I work at a company where much of the business comes in over our web sites, so I know that it's a bad idea to drog blunk, but blunk I am. And I still feel like drogging.

First of all--bully for our anglophone allies across the world who reinstated John Howard. If only the Johns here "Up Over" were as motivated to stop the IslamoFascist menace, this American election wouldn't be as important as it is. Thank God for the Australians, who, like the Yanks, are people who understand exile and independence and believe that their values are worth fighting for. The blowing up of Yanks and Aussies will never constitute diplomacy. I feel sorry for the Spanish, but they only have themselves to blame for the Azhole they elected.

Congratulations to the Afghans.

With respect to the second Bush-Kerry debate, the President took the wood to the Senator, as far as I'm concerned. Kerry stated that Bush "owned" a logging company. Bush is a shareholder. If I still had shares in AOL, would I be the owner? Of course, we don't know what Mr. Heinz owns--because apparently his financial holdings are none of our GW business.

I'll not link to all the sites that I consulted that second my views, since I'd be accused of living in a "right-wing echo chamber,"* but I'll give you some of the best of the web comments that I've seen:

--If you were playing a game that involved drinking every time Kerry said "I have a plan," you were too inebriated to follow the last two thirds of the debate.
--Kerry says "I have a plan." Martin Luther King said "I have a dream." The difference is that King let us know what it was.
--Kerry's delivery makes him sound like Mojo Jojo.

I wanna get this out there. A couple weeks ago there was this brouhaha (or was it just a kerfuffle?) about President Bush's "home town" newspaper endorsing Kerry, after it had supposedly endorsed Bush. This was qualified by the information that the Lone Star Iconoclast had not really been in business until after the election in 2000. It was assumed that that meant that the Bush endorsement appeared in the Clifton Record. Well, I have been to both web sites, and searching from September to early November of that year I can find nothing at all resembling an endorsement. I have emailed both of those august publications (owned principally by a fella named Leon Smith) asking for a link to or a PDF of that document--and they haven't responded.

So--well, given that there's this meme out there about so-called Republicans claiming in (har har) CBS's 60 Just-A-Goddamn-Minute's reports that they're worried that the President is going to reinstate the draft and all, and given the fact that it appears to be so easy to find just about any kind of document you might want in Texas these days, doncha think it's unusual that they're so reticent on this point?

I wanna see this thing with my own eyes. I mean, even if it exists, which seems unlikely given the tenor of the stuff that is published there. But if it does exist, I'd like at least to have a chance to dissect it. If it doesn't, that's even more fun, of course. And if we can't get it any other way, I say that we set up a whisper campaign to make them come out with this thing. Personally, I would bet you two to one that no such document exists.

Politics of Luxury in 2004

2004-10-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

I have long thought to write a book regarding what I call Luxury Politics. These include high-minded, yet certainly not "core issues" a nation/the world have to contend with.

Luxury Political Issue would be things such as "alternative fuel sources", "homosexual union", so-called "greenhouse gas issues", "stemcell research", and even "the Fight Against AIDS".
It seems to me that these are worthy of discussion and, yes, there is a place in our hearts reserved for such debates. Yet, clearly this election is about something far more significant: namely, the "War on Terror" and National Security. One can no more successfully argue that stemcell research is as significant, or even in the same league, as the war on terror as one could successfully argue that date rape is in the same league as murder. This is to say that this national debate that occurs once every 4 years has been focused precisely where it ought to be.

This gives me a bit of hope for this country. I am happy that the luxurious issues that could have easily carried the day have been mostly marginalized. I said there was a place for such discussions, but the time is not now to prop them up to the same strata as our war against terror.

On a further note, I ponder whether the reason the rest of the world may hate us is that while they are concerned with feeding & clothing themselves or simply not being hatcheted to death, they have taken offense to the national salon that is the US. I would be offended if I were in the Sudan and found out the biggest bitch we had in the states was whether we had to pay a premium to withdraw money from an ATM. If all is relative, we still have it pretty fucking good.

Give Me Paxil or Give Me Death

2004-10-08T11:00:00.000-07:00

Wondering if it is possible that some elements (homicidals, suicidals, sociopaths & garden-variety thieves) simply are given a chance/excuse to shine when turmoil thrives.

The beheading of Mr. Bigley, the British contractor, makes me wonder whether brutality such as this resides just under the surface in every continent & in every country. One wonders whether forums for free expression (night clubs, internet blogs & even coffee houses) allow these elements, in other cultures/countries, the ability to blow off just enough steam that they do not turn into rabid dogs such as these murderers. If this is the case, religion may be the opiate of the masses, but democracy may well be the Paxil of the masses.

Dems Pre-emptively Strike Pre-Emptive Strike

2004-10-06T11:28:00.000-07:00

In a bid to pre-emptively strike any thoughts of further pre-emptive strikes, the Kerry team has been pre-emptively striking any considered pre-emptive strike against the likes of Iran.

It is unknown how Iran feels specifically about this support from the Kerry camp, but it is clear that Tehran has taken note. Today in the streets of Iran, only 3 US flags were burned and only 2 effigies of Uncle Sam we immolated. This is down slightly from an average of 2.25 flags & 2.2 Uncle Sams each of the last 30 days.

There is hope on the way.

Root: I will be blogging at 7.25% in the coming year.

2004-10-06T11:12:00.000-07:00

I, Enoch Root, announce that I will only blog 3 of 36 opportunities in the coming year. That is to say, if I am expected to create 36 posts, I will only punch out 3 of the 36. I hope this will not jeopardize my bid to be sole ruler of the administration of this blog.

Edwards Advocates Cheap Prostitution: Saves Lives

2004-10-05T23:58:00.000-07:00

In Tuesday night's Vice Presidential Debate, Senator Edwards made it clear that he will fight to protect children from needlessly dying from unenforced child labor laws by advocating a new program that would encourage children to engage in cheap prostitution:

"It turns out the company knew of 12 other children who had either been killed or severely injured by the same problem. They hid it. They didn't tell anybody. They could have fixed it with a two-cent screw. That's wrong."

When asked about his proposal after the debate, Senator Edwards deferred the question to his spouse. "Ask my wife about what I'm proposing...she knows what a cheap screw is," Edwards stated to reporters as he climbed onto his campaign bus headed for the red lights of Cleveland's Lorain Ave.

Root: I am not missing a limb!

2004-10-05T17:36:00.000-07:00

"Dammit, for the fifth time in as many days, I contend I am not mising a limb".

Root: I have large testicles

2004-10-05T17:18:00.000-07:00

An unnamed source, who confirmed he was not Enoch Root, stated, "I can confirm that Mr. Root has large testicles". Asked why it mattered, Root was heard to comment, "I don't know where your 'reliable source' got that 'information. I assure you my balls are average in every sense of the word."

The Kerry campaign confirmed later in the day that while "Mr. Root is undeniably a big cock, he does in fact have average-sized testicles".

Pre-emptive Strike On Death Star II To Undergo Test From Bothan World Of Sullust

2004-10-05T12:23:00.000-07:00

With the threat of global destruction looming, Senator Kerry tried to clarify his position on intergalactic tests:

"If they were honest enough to give America the full quote, which America heard, they would know that I'm never going to allow America's security to be outsourced. That's the job of the president.

But I can do a better job of protecting America's security because the test that I was talking about was a test of legitimacy, not just in the globe, but elsewhere."

The newly headed CIA has recently intercepted plans to a new battle station even more powerful than the first dreaded Death Star. CIA director Porter Goss declined to comment on the documents, but stated that he is discussing the matter with Admiral Akbar.

Several Bothan leaders are concerned that the new intelligence could be a trap designed to crush American forces. "We need to call in more inspections at Endor," said Bothan leader Iosef Biden while addressing a group of intergalactic leaders. Admiral Akbar dismissed the remarks as "pandering, pessimistic nonsense". "If we let the Empire complete this 'Weapon of Mass Destruction' it would spell certain doom for the galaxy," exclaimed Akbar.

Bothan leader Tidward Kennedy, who was on a diplomatic mission to Coruscant to meet with the Emperor, was unavailable for comment.

Treblinka: I've had it up to here

2004-10-04T11:05:00.000-07:00

10.04.2004 Moscow - Russia - From its uptown pad in downtown Moscow, RR's very own Zamphir Mercur sat down with Treblinka to discuss the one-time football great's career, dark WWII days & recent relocation by the DNC to Moscow. This is the first interview Treblinka has granted since the 1977 Polish football season. At the time, Treblinka's reputation as a difficult interview was passed off as a side-effect of possible & widely-reported steroid use. But it is clearer than ever that age has done nothing to dampen the oft-misunderstood, brooding figure.

Mercur: Good Afternoon, Treblinka, and thanks for taking a moment out of your hectic schedule to share your thoughts with our readers.

Treblinka: Good Afternoon to you. It's great to be here, Zempur.

Mercur: It's Zamphir.

Treblinka: Zimpire, then.

Mercur: no... it's Zam-fir. Zam-ffiiiiiir. Real easy, two-syllables.

Treblinka: Zem-foor. Right?

Mercur: No.... not at all right. Look. Pay attention... ZAM-FIR.

Treblinka: ZAAAAM-FOOOR.

Mercur: Jesus, NO! ZAM-FIIIIIIIIR.

Treblinka: ZAM-FFUUUUUUUR.

Mercur: Christ... what're you some kind of slug? ZAM-fucking-FIR!!

Treblinka: ZEM-fockinf-Fir.

Mercur: Watch my lips.... ZZZZAAAAAMMMM

Treblinka: ZZZZAAAAAMMMM...

Mercur: FFFFFIIIIIIIRRRRR

Treblinka: FFFFFFFFIIIIIEEEUUUUUUAAAARRRRRR.

Mercur: You are truly an IDIOT.

Treblinka: I have had it up to here....

It is clear some things never change.

Binary Woman Waives Off Wedding

2004-10-04T09:50:00.000-07:00

"001 00 1110101 10101 0000110 00001111 0001 101 0000111". You heard it right! The wedding's off & the Queen of the Space Unicorns is once again an eligible bachelor/bachelorette.

When asked about this latest development in the romantic saga between the two, the Queen of the Space Unicorns commented, "...fuck her/him, I still have legions of groupies accross the known gammashere. I can get laid at any one of 3,000 plus StarCarbon facilities this side of Sigma X3 anytime I want. Who needs the headache of some two-toned hermaphrodite bitch anyway?".

From a still undisclosed location in the Andromeda System, Gobnoralitch Zarquigmire, purported proprietor of the hall where the ceremony was to take place quipped, "... shit. I bet I get stuck with all of the back-ordered flipperjacks".

Global Test to Endure Self

2004-10-04T07:19:00.000-07:00

The Kerry campaign this morning has announced that the "Global Test" is being put to itself. According to the Kerry team, this move is meant to quell concerns that Global Test is indeed worthy of being used as a foreign policy tool.

Since being mentioned by senator Kerry during the first round of presidential debates, Global Test has been located in the document repository at the Hague, restored by several archivists & spirited away to an undisclosed location in Wisconsin, where it is "cramming" for itself with Hiliary Clinton playing the role of itself. When last we saw the Global Test (the League of Nations Bi-Annual conference on all-things-international), it was black & white (or so the photographs indicate). RR's own DelGato Rammit reports he has learned from an unnamed source that Global Test is now "...sporting a post-modern orange hue."

The last couple times the Global Test was called upon the reviews were mixed at best. According to Hal Jalikakick, spokesman for People for the Preservation of Tests (PPT), there is "... considerable delight over the fact that Global Test is getting another chance to pass itself. I mean, how embarrassing to have your youngest brother (Litmus Test) and your youngest sister (Pap Smear) showing you up day after day for the past near 100 years. This is a chance for Global Test to have another crack at itself. It's only fair."

Kerry's team, working closely with the PPT have made some substantial changes to the test iteslf. When asked about the exact changes Jalikakick commented, "... we have made the exam more elitist in nature. Some said it couldn't be done. We have added all sorts of nuances to it. Really, it is mired in nuances. At the surface these may be contrived to make it more difficult for Global Test, but Global Test, itself, has said it prefers the many tricky ins & outs it presents. The most radical change has to do with how we score the exam. We have added a good deal of what we are calling 'Good Faith' points. These are utterly subjective in measure. We feel good about it and our hope is that Global Test will feel better about itself this time around than last."

Asked about its post-test plans, Global Test was overheard saying, "I'm going to DisneyLand".

Genocide, Shmenocide

2004-10-03T17:30:00.000-07:00

International aid workers were amused by Colin Powell's claim that the deaths of up to 10,000 black Sudanese per month driven into refugee camps by Janjaweed militia constituted 'genocide.' "That bloody blighter is daft if he thinks this constitutes genocide," drawled aid worker Nigel Foster, 24, of Manchester, UK. "You can hardly smell the corpses. There's plenty of time to bury them. It's not like they're starving or having their heads cut off with machetes. They're mostly dying from diarrhea. Lately, it's been a lot easier to get food aid into the region. I'd say you'd have to have two, two and a half times as many dying for it really to be an indisputible genocide."

UN Secretary General Kofi Pickannani excoriated the United States for what he termed an "illegal declaration of genocide." According to Pickannani, "Everybody understands that the only valid declaration of genocide is one that is generated by the will and consent of the UN in its entirety. There is a global test that must be met. Different cultures obviously will have different ideas of what constitutes a 'genocide.' Let the genocide deciders do their jobs. It is a pity about those who will perish in the meantime, but at least we will be able to comfort ourselves that we have followed proper procedure to the letter."

Treblinka Infrastructure Neglected

2004-10-01T17:21:00.000-07:00

In a sharp blow to the incumbent president's midsection, Democratic nominee John F. Kerry revealed last night that due to resources diverted to Afghanistan and Iraq, the subway beneath Treblinka was inoperational during the Republican Convention. Subway operator and blogger "FieryEyes" from CharOn.org confirmed the challenger's claim: "Ever since Bush came into office, it's gotten harder and harder to ferry the souls of the dead across the Acheron."

Queen of Space Unicorns to Wed Binary Woman in Andromeda System

2004-10-01T14:26:00.000-07:00

In what must come as a day of grand disappointment to eligible bachelors/bachelorettes throughout the known heavens, RR has confirmed reports that the Queen of the Space Unicorns is to wed Binary Woman at an undisclosed location within the Andromeda System.

In a one-on-one interview with our very own Barb Ituitz, Binary Woman admitted to a long-standing relationship with the Queen of the Space Unicorns & to their plans to be wed later this fall.

"001 101 00110 0001111 01 0111 000111 110011 011 0111 1111 01 010 101110 01 10 1110 101 0 101 10 1110 011 00011 1100 110 1101 01 10 000 1 01 10 100 0111 00 110001 011 011 0001 0001 0000011111 1110011 011 01 101 11 010 1100 1100 0 0 11100 0 1110 0 0 1"

Sorry ladies/gentlemen... he's taken!

More to follow this evening.

Kerry Debates Self On Unilateral Manicure

2004-10-01T11:30:00.000-07:00

On Friday, Senator Kerry engaged in a very heated debate over whether or not Senator Kerry's "go it alone" approach towards the war on bad hygiene was the right move. "It was the 'wrong makeover' for the 'wrong appendage' during the 'wrong time of the month'," stated Kerry. Kerry argued that the manicure was a diversion. "We should have stayed on the facial," exclaimed Kerry. "We should have brought other nations to the nail salon," he argued.

Senator Kerry also argued for the proliferation of cutticle nippers. "Those things are dangerous in the hands of the wrong people," the senator exclaimed. The senator went on to mutter an inaudible remark about forceps and tweezers.

In Senator Kerry's rebuttal he argued that he was trying to appeal to the "gay vote". "I'm just trying to build 'strong alliances' by showing my feminine side," he remarked. Both sides agreed that a French manicure would be the right approach towards this tough issue.

Kerry campaign officials were unavailable for comment on the Senator's schizophrenic exchange.

Treblinka Relocates to Russia

2004-10-01T06:14:00.000-07:00

In a move which stunned some WWII historians, John Kerry confirmed in last night's debate that Treblinka has indeed moved to Russia.

KERRY: "Well, let me just say quickly that I've had an extraordinary experience of watching up close and personal that transition in Russia, because I was there right after the transformation. And I was probably one of the first senators, along with Senator Bob Smith of New Hampshire, a former senator, go down into the KGB underneath Treblinka Square and see reams of files with names in them."

A serious gaffe was averted later in the evening when CBS News produced documentation purporting to prove that Treblinka had, in fact, relocated hundreds of miles east from Bialystok, Poland to its new haunts of Moscow. In fact, it seems Treblinka has taken up residence in the former KGB file storage facility beneath St. Basil's Basilica in Red Square.

Relatives close to Treblinka (among them Warsaw and Little-known towns in Estonia) cite "poor weather, loneliness & exhaustion" as the main causes for the move. However, Treblinka, it is rumored was in fact evicted for failing to pay its rent, falling some 50 years in arrears, according to some estimates. Others "in the know" proffer that Treblinka is trying to resurrect its football career. Some might recall the public outcry in 1962 when it was feared free agency status would cost the Polish people Treblinka forever & sink the '62 season into the abyss. That fear had turned to hope in '77, when the Polish Olympic Soccor Federation suggested it was time for Treblinka "to consider hanging up its cleats for good".

Only time will tell.

Act of Preemptive War to Undergo Global Test

2004-09-30T20:59:00.000-07:00

According to John Kerry, the Act of Preemptive War "should only be employed after being forced to pass a 'Global Test'." The Act of Premptive War was not immediately available for comment.

Kerry has come under tremendous fire for statements at a recent rally in Deluth, MN, that intimated that under a Kerry administration the French would be in the running to administer the Personal Hygiene portion of the exam (which accounts for a solid 15% of the overall score). Hackles were raised further when Kerry stated that "if the Act of Preemptive War would not comply, I would work with the UN and Paris to levy heavy sanctions aimed at isolatating Act of Preemptive War along with Act of Preemptive War's half-brother, Act of Unsolicited War in an international isolation chamber off of Nova Scotia. Unless, of course, one or the other or both attacked us first; in which case it would not be an act of preemtive war or unsolicited war, but rather an imposter or imposters with whom my administration would open unilateral talks while assembling a international coalition over lattes in Madrid. In either event, voters should feel confident that I have a plan for this possible inevitable eventuality."

Kerry: "I Never Wilt"

2004-09-30T19:50:00.000-07:00

How does one man manage to marry two of the five richest women in America? John F. Kerry answered that question in tonight's first of three presidential debates when he proclaimed, "I never have wilted and never will wilt."

Male voters around the nation let out a collective gasp at Senator Kerry's claim. Women voters swooned. President George W. Bush blinked uncontrollably for several seconds before shaking his head and gaining control. After the debate Bush was heard telling his aides that he didn't want to call Kerry a liar, but he found that amazing, particularly considering Kerry's prostate surgery.

Terry McAuliffe said that Kerry's performance in this regard should "serve as a strong rejoinder to those pajamabloggers who had criticised the Senator for his 'limp salute.'"

Oompa Loompas Join Bush

2004-09-30T16:27:00.000-07:00

"This is total bullshit", contends Jack Bagsnap, sitting Director of the London Order of Mini-People Adoration (or LOOMPA). From the bow of his rainboat, Bagsnap told RR's own beat reporter Whydontchall Gotohell, "We no more support John Kerry than Santa's fucking elves. We mean to set the record straight!"

Bagsnap & approx 300 of his union brothers were granted a rare, last-minute audience with President Bush as he was making final preparations for the first round of the presidential debates.

"Contrary to popular belief & in spite of John Kerry's recent public coppering, we do not back the Senator from Massachussettes. In fact, he is nothing but an insensitive, elitist, papist-cracker-mother-fucker. For him to mock us with his new found orange-colored hue is akin to him doing photo-ops in black-face. The fucking ni***** & the NAACP would string his ass up for that! No doubt about it. This is our look... not his. I know it is nearing Halloween and all, but this is rediculous. We're steamin' pissed & we want the American public to know this will not go unpunished."

When asked specifically about what they would should John Kerry win the presidency, Bagsnap snipped, "One thing's for sure, he can kiss support for his luxury tax on chocolate good-fucking-bye. Hey John, kiss your free Bon-Bons goodbye too, you traitorous fuck".

the full RRexclusive tonight on Night_with_Root 9:00 pm CST

Bush Administration Reverses Stand On Human Cloning

2004-09-30T14:44:00.000-07:00

In response to a growing chorus of unsubstantiated rumours, documented by CBS's crack, unimpeachable news team, President Bush announced Monday that the White House had reversed its earlier position on human cloning. "Understandably, moms and dads are nervous that their sons and daughters will be drafted to fight in Iraq or Afghanistan or Syria, or possibly North Korea or Iran--just as they are right to be concerned that their children might be abducted for research purposes by interstellar visitors without valid passports," Bush said. "So I want to allay their fears by announcing that we have decided to build a clone army." Bush added that while he was sure that he'd "get an earful from the Pope," he felt that the production of a clone army was "in the best interests of America."

Kerry spokesmen criticized President Bush's initiative as "a naked power grab," citing the likelihood that the Pentagon would choose to clone from "a Republican cell-line." Blogger Young John of the Random Root blog saw this as an opportunity to raise troop morale, stating that he thought President Bush would be "well advised to consider cloning Evangeline Lilly" as a first step, "to determine whether the technology is viable."

New Poll - Kerry Would Win Intergalactic Vote

2004-09-30T13:40:00.000-07:00

Remember when Jerry Nadler was being compared to Jabba the Hutt? Well that might not be as egregious a claim as it sounds. Consider that Democrats coined the term 'Star Wars' for Ronald Reagan's proposed missle defense system and that Bush has been compared with everything from Hitler to Darth Vader. So it's not unusual to see that most of the liberal elite Jedi out there are voicing their support for C-3PO in the upcoming intergalatic elections.

C-3PO is favored by 9 out of ten Calamari and also has support from the Druish vote. Being versed in over six million forms of communication (including French) - C-3PO, otherwise known as Golden Rod, is the favored pick of a majority in the Universe. This is not surprising when you consider that the evil dark lord of the Sith is secretly planning an intergalactic draft to enlist all able bodied young Skywalkers into the Imperial Army to fight the resistance forces.

In Act of Egregious Symbolism, Palindrome Backs Flip-Flop Candidate

2004-09-29T15:21:00.001-07:00

If He Flops, Will They Flip? Psychotherapy Futures on the Rise: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/opinion/2002019540_krauthammer30.html

God: Don't Make Me Come Down There!

2004-09-29T08:12:00.000-07:00

Today God the Father, Creator of Heaven and Earth, of All that is Seen and Unseen, issued a statement through his portavoce, the Holy Spirit, expressing disgust at an incident that the Guardian reported as a "Punch-up at [the] tomb of Jesus".

According to what an AP reporter characterized as a "reliable source" within the secretive angelic caste known as the Dominions, God the Father is said to have become increasingly irritated with interreligious friction in Jerusalem and its environs over the past few years. This has led this source to suspect that if God the Father were to "come down here," it would likely not be in the form of Our Savior Jesus Christ, His Only Begotten Son, but rather more like one of the visitations from the Old Testament. It is said that He murmurred something about "nuking the joint till it glows" to prevent further bickering over the Holy Land, and that "if Saudi Arabia doesn't stop laughing about it, he'll be next."

Star, Enquirer, Dan Rather & Washinton Post: Space Aliens Will Invade if Bush Re-Elected

2004-09-29T06:33:00.000-07:00

Space Aliens for Democracy, organized as an intergalactic 527 under provisions of McCain-Feingold, threatened yesterday to invade the planet Earth if George W. Bush is re-elected, according to various mainstream media outlets. The News Anchor Formerly Known as the Queen of the Space Unicorns, CBS's Dan Rather, would not reveal his source for the story, but pajamabloggers posing as 'journalists' believe that the source is in fact warrior-god Kobaltine IV. Representatives for Kobaltine IV could not be reached for comment.

Meanwhile Democratic National Committee chairhuman Terry McAuliffe voiced skepticism, saying that should the story explode in the face of CBS, it will almost certainly have been cooked up by Republican operative Lord Gnarl, with whom he famously quarrelled during an interview in 1988, when Rather tried to get Gnarl to admit that he'd personally ordered the deforestation of Rygi-El 9. A spokesman for Karl Rove said that he was unavailable for comment, as construction of the Dark Star was not proceeding as quickly as they had hoped, and Rove had been asked by Vice President Dick Cheney personally to get construction back on track.

Orange You Glad You Came To Wisconsin?

2004-09-28T09:25:00.000-07:00

Someone should have told Kerry to stay away from the candy in the chocolate factory. He's in Wisconsin all painted up for a Chicago Bears game. Would someone please tell the Senator that the Badgers' team colors are red and white?

Are Americans Too Stupid To Vote?

2004-09-24T13:56:00.000-07:00

There is a piece by Neal Boortz from Townhall today that seeks to address an issue that most of us have deliberated on. How do we deal with an obtuse American public that seeks to cancel out our vote with their uninformed misperceptions? Boortz's contention that we are not a democracy is true. This nation was founded as a federation of Republics designed to protect people and their property.

While I agree with most of his thesis, I would just like to point out to Mr. Boortz that there are 39, not 41 days, until the general election. Having said that - the proposal in his thesis would likely be a disaster. If we gave the "super rich" and Hollywood types as many as eight votes, that would be a catastrophic blow to our social order. A good majority of rich celebrities in this country are more apathetic towards the use of their tax dollars in gov't than most hard working middle class Americans. However, his allegation that a majority of Americans are too ignorant to be trusted with a real ballot is sadly true.

Take, for instance, my brother's father-in-law. He recently came to visit for my nephew's baptism and jokingly made reference to giving "Terry" a political donation in my nephew's name. Then there's my Aunt on my father's side. She has been a teacher and social worker most of her life, so she is obviously more prone to liberalism and Democratic politics. Being a devout Catholic, however, she follows the pro-life stance of the Roman pontiff. My mother confronted her on her support for the pro-choice candidate Russ Feingold. My Aunt merely scoffed at my mother's remarks and questioned where she got her information. My mother could have gotten that information from CBS News.

Sean Hannity has a segment on his weekly radio program called "Man on the Street Thursday". Every Thursday he sends his employee, "Flipper", down onto the streets of New York to ask them basic questions about politics. Most of these people don't know who the vice president is and a solid majority don't know who John Edwards is or - as Sean Hannity refers to him during these interviews - "Stew Ped". One victim of this weekly prank told Sean he was voting for Jim Kerney.

There are plenty of intelligent people out there who cannot process the information they receive from books and the media, because they cannot discriminate between fact and subjective opinion. These are book smart people who lack the common sense needed to see beyond emotion when making critical decisions.

Last night on Dennis Miller's CNBC show, talk show host John Ziegler proposed that we make voting more difficult by designing it around a scavenger hunt. I'm all for that, John. Just so long as the clues include information on who pays what percentage of taxes in this country and what is John Kerry's weekly allowance from his wife when he's a good boy.

UN Saga - No War (for oil's sake)

2004-09-24T06:19:00.000-07:00

Funny that folks are quick to talk about how much the politicos in the US had to gain by going to war. What, with convoluted connect-the-dots conspiracies desperately trying to tie President Bush's profits & VP Cheney's stock holdings to motives for war.

The left, however, seems incredibly slow to pick up or report on the other side of the coin: that being what the politicos who opposed the war had to lose by the US ouster of Saddam.

Here are a couple substantiated examples:

1) Russia - Military sales continued to Iraq DURING the battle for Baghdad
2) France - SAME
3) UN head-honchos - Money grifted from Oil for Food (AKA Greenbacks for Oil) scam
4) Canada - the President of a Canadian oil company - Money grifted from Greenbacks for Oil Scam
5) Foxnews reports that even "the children of political leaders in the Middle East and Asia" got into the action.

These are KNOWN instances of people who benefited from the status quo prior to the ouster of Saddam. Yet, John Kerry & his democratic socialist party friends don't seem concerned with these details... they prefer to talk about "possible connections" to the Bush/Cheney Administration. I would like to challenge the ruling on the field. I would like to know if the UN was chop-blocking our efforts to get to Saddam. I would like to know why the French, Germans, Russians and others were on our roster but wearing jerseys of the opposing team.

The Temperature That The Brain Begins To Die

2004-09-23T15:49:00.000-07:00

Next week, the liberal elitists will be answered
Citizens United is promulgating the lies of Michael Moore and setting straight the record of George W. Bush with a new documentary. Celsius 41.11 premiered the other day in Washington D.C. in a select number of theaters, but is expected to have a broader release next week. The film is a counterattack to the garbage of Fahrenheit 9/11 and seeks to give notice to the differences between John Kerry and George W. Bush. The title is based on the fact that the brain begins to deteriorate at 41.11 degrees Celsius (much like the reaction caused by Michael Moore's rhetoric).

The film was made on a $900,000 budget over a period of several weeks and features interviews with political heavyweights Fred Thompson, Bill Sammon, Charles Krauthammer, Fred Barnes, Michael Medved, Victoria Toensing, Michael Ledeen, terrorism expert Mansoor Ijaz, and swiftboat vet John O'Neill.

Another documentary entitled Fahrenhype 9/11 is set for DVD release on October 5th. This film deconstructs Michael Moore's latest prevarication with appearances from prominent Democrats and Republicans like Sen. Zell Miller, Dick Morris, Ed Koch, Ann Coulter, Bill Sammon, and actor Ron Silver among others.

A few months back I heard Sandra Tsing Loh proclaim her liberal elitism on Dennis Miller's CNBC show by stating that she and a group of her friends went to see Michael Moore's film and dine out on Thai food. She contrasted this with her view that conservatives eat hot dogs and watch Fox News, because they aren't intellectual enough to go see a documentary.

Listen up, Sandra, because I'm only going to say this once! I love Fox News, I love hotdogs, and I only watch "accurate" documentaries that are backed up by fact and not rhetorical vagueries. That's what makes me American and if you don't like it you can go back to your ancestors' native land of Communist China where they embrace propaganda. Oh and another thing...my favorite food is Thai.

Killing Italian women.

2004-09-23T06:42:00.000-07:00

If the reports are true about the execution of two Italian humanitarian workers, humanity has hit an all-time low. I would further submit that acts of barbarism such as this will not do anything but enrage and solidify support for operations in Iraq & against the opportunist terrorists.

I am not an Italian, but I imagine half of the Italian population (the males that is) are fit to be tied right now & probably shining up their grandfathers' WWII weaponry & looking for the nearest place to volunteer.

This further demonstrates the lengths the terrorists will go to achieve their fascist ends. They do not honor women or human life. They are perverted sexual sadists whose culture is so overwhelmingly misanthropic that mere rape is not enough to get them off.

Killing an innocent man is one thing. Killing a woman, call me old-fashioned, is a whole other affair. Yes... it is more despicable. If this is a third generation American's view of these recent executions, how will the authentic machismos react?

What you write when you are 10 days in front of a story...

2004-09-22T18:14:00.000-07:00

Good reporting... fair & balanced.

Fair and Balanced

2004-09-22T17:45:00.000-07:00

Fox News Channel on soon-to-be-ex producer Mary Mapes: "Mapes, 48, was described by colleagues as a dog . . . ."
Wait! There's more:

"Mapes, 48, was described by colleagues as a dogged and talented journalist who made no secret of her liberal beliefs."

Well, the quote may not have been complete, but the thrust of the argument is undeniable.

NPR Runs Interference for CBS, Venezuela, and Investigative Blogging

2004-09-22T16:30:00.000-07:00

NPR this morning ran a story about RatherGate, with the usual talking-voice scholar producing the now-familiar "well the documents may be forged but what they purported to show is true" meme. If I were president of whatever institution he plies his trade at, he'd be in my office pretty darned quick. But, hey, I'm not. What I would like to point out is how this demonstrates that whatever charter "National Public Radio" started out with, as an alternative to commercial MSM, long ago transmogrified into a kind of comfortable "symbiosis" of mutual reinforcement--or what the psychotherapy folks like to call "co-dependency." They're getting desperate there, and we should start to build an objective dossier of their stories, because from here to the election it will be a steady drumbeat. Beldar has some nice stuff today, if you haven't visited, so go take a look.

Instapundit had an interesting post up about his discussion earlier today with a journalist over whether the blogosphere had raised the level of discourse regarding the 2004 Presidential Contest. He felt that the journo thought no. He points out that of course the bloggers mostly react to whatever MSM happens to be vending at the moment. There's a good point there, though. Rather than be in Kerry reactionary mode (the president's minions, the Swift Boat Veterans, are running attack ads rather than discussing the real issues!) we should be using our blogospherical connectivity to amass information in a more investigative way, not only in reaction to egregious incidents such as RatherGate, but also in response to what we believe to be likely truths, or at the very least sneaking suspicions.

Let me give you an example of what I have in mind. Let us say for example that you are a subscriber to Scientific American, even though over the years it has become a less impressively documented publication, because . . . well, you like to keep up with whatever it is that the scientific establishment thinks is important. You've noticed that for their television program, they've decided to use Alan Alda--who you know is an ultra-lib and whom you despise for having turned M.A.S.H. into a PC preachfest. Then the editors come out against Bush for Kyoto, stem cells, blah, blah, blah. Then they run in this edition an article about the challenges of voting machines, which is filled with implication about FL in 2000, till the last few prescriptive paragraphs where the author talks about the importance of verifying eligibility to vote (while arguing for making registration easier) and making sure that people aren't registering in multiple locations. Then you think about Venezuela and Jimmy Crater's thumb-sucking verification of the results of the election. Then you think about the fact that your company no longer ships to Venezuela because of the prevalence of fraudulent orders to that country. Then you think--what other businesses are experiencing this? What if I put out a call for information on the blogosphere and try to accumulate data? And what if this germ turns into an expose? And what if that permits congressmen to put pressure on the State Dept to put pressure on Chavez? And what if that causes the MSM to actually look into the charges regarding the election?

You see my point? So maybe there is a need for a BlogSite that will serve as a jumping-off point for these sorts of inquiries. Cuz it sure as hell ain't CBS, and it sure as hell ain't NPR.

We should all watch

2004-09-21T11:55:00.000-07:00

To understand how real the threat of terrorism is, our left-wing intellectual fascist brethren need only watch the readily available beheadings of our fellow countrymen. OR... they could spend some time watching the brutal attacks perpetrated on September 11th. OR, they could watch newsreels from the '72 Olympics in Munich OR...

Now, the Dems seem concerned with telling me that the liberation of Iraq & the war on terror are not related. Instead, they tell me the battle for the hearts and minds of the radical Muslims cannot be won with bullets. They tell me we are more hated now than when the twin towers were knocked down. How could that be? Have our actions in the region created a new & improved, more potent brand of heretofore unknown hate?? If the argument is that to win the hearts & minds (this is the give peace another chance line) we must do more cultural outreach, I can think of no better way than to liberate millions of people from the yoke of oppression and antiquated political apparati. This cannot be done overnight, but it can be done. Pls turn your attention to post-WWII Japan or Germany. Sometimes, incremental change is not possible. Sometimes it is impossible. At what point do the Dems think that Saddam would have changed his raping of the Iraqi people? Sometimes it is necessary... nay desireable to trash the entire system & start from scratch.

What we are giving to Iraq is a gift. We have taken them offline in order to give them a free hardware & software upgrade. They are hundreds of years behind, so they will be down for awhile. If you call or email them, it will take a while for someone to reply. This outage is not permanant. When they are back online, they will be faster, stronger & more stable than ever. We are great techs... but we are not miracle workers... you should see the speghetti under their desks. Howa can this be done overnight? It cannot. In this case, a system reboot won't work. We tried it with the first Gulf War. The fatal error was in the kernel & the motherboard was fried.

Bias... what bias?

2004-09-20T09:40:00.000-07:00

Funny. Do you think journalism majors say "I just want to sit in the corner & report just the facts" when asked why they want to become professional journalists? Or, do you think they say something like, "... because I want to change the world."?

Krauthammers Heinz-Kerry 57 Varieties of Position on Iraq

2004-09-18T09:06:00.000-07:00

IMUS: Do you think there are any circumstances we should have gone to war in Iraq -- any?
KERRY: Not under the current circumstances, no, there are none that I see. I voted based on weapons of mass destruction. The president distorted that and I've said that. I mean, look, I can't be clearer. But I think it was the right vote based on what Saddam Hussein had done, and I think it was the right thing to do to hold him accountable. I've said a hundred times, there was a right way to do it and a wrong way to do it. The president chose the wrong way. Can't be more direct than that. [Emphasis mine].

Say what?

"Weakly Slandered" vs. Weekly Standard

2004-09-18T08:53:00.000-07:00

The most detailed, well-linked and magisterial account of Rathergate. All we need now is the denoument.

The Clintonistas are coming...

2004-09-18T05:29:00.000-07:00

Kelly bar the doors. I paid a recent visit to the clinton blog.

You're Getting Warmer

2004-09-17T19:35:00.000-07:00

Warmer . . . Toasty . . . You're Burning Up!

Judge Harold Baer, Jr & the AP

2004-09-17T19:13:00.000-07:00

Clinton appointee Judge Baer orders the Pentagon to release any documents associated with President G.W. Bush's National Guard service in response to an AP request, as noted on CBS's news web site (what a surprise!). Meanwhile, John "Stonewall" Kerry's documents continue to be sequestered from the public eye: http://www.mpetrelis.blogspot.com/2004_07_06_mpetrelis_archive.html
http://justoneminute.typepad.com/main/2004/09/proof_of_a_kerr.html

Beldar sums all of the military records stuff for us: http://beldar.blogs.com/beldarblog/2004/09/judicial_watch__1.html

For those who would like a "more compassionate" war on terror...

2004-09-17T16:59:00.000-07:00

The French, Germans and Democrats better close they eyes, as Russia is joining the war on terror in earnest. You think they'll give a shit about terrorists holed up in mosque? Or, do you think they'll shoot first & ask questions later?

Putin on Terrorists & Terrorism:

"I urge you to remember the lessons of history, the amicable deal [with Adolf Hitler] in Munich in 1938. ... Of course, the scale of consequences is different. ... But the situation is very similar. Any surrender leads to them widening their demands and makes losses worse." - Vladimir Putin

Neal Stephenson's Baroque Cycle continues on Sept 21

2004-09-17T14:29:00.000-07:00

Quite possibly the coolest shit I have ever read.

The_System_of_the_World (Baroque Cycle, Vol.3) out in stores September 21st.

Freak Whence See Kenneth

2004-09-17T13:52:00.000-07:00

Yes, by now we all know that Dan Rather can be anagramatized as Han Retard, but so what? I'm just pissed that I have to share my name with him (for you see, Vermontaigne is just a nom de blogue). So from now on I want everyone to refer to him as Dan "Stonewall" Rather. Remember, you heard it here first.

Hey! CBS is against ratherization, too: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/07/10/opinion/meyer/main562575.shtml

BTW, does the author mean to refer to the approximately 30 years between Bloody Sunday and Lord Saville's commission?

My Brothers

2004-09-17T13:28:00.000-07:00

. . . were at the famous West Allis, Wisconsin, Bush rally where the crowd supposedly booed when it was announced that Clinton was being hospitalized for heart trouble. Of course, no such thing happened. An AP reporter named Scott Lindlaw cooked that up, and despite all the evidence to the contrary continues to "ratherize" (you heard it here first). Here is the PowerLine link: http://powerlineblog.com/archives/007859.php

Now, the phone line was a bit fuzzy when Matt was telling me about this, but I think he said something about seeing Lindlaw molesting a little girl at this event. You can express your outrage at info@ap.org, or slindlaw@ap.org. Or did he say it was an ostrich?

Angry tone of the GOP Convention?? Actions speak louder than words.

2004-09-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

They can feel it slipping away. It's what happens when you select a lame horse & an ambulance-chasing trial lawyer for a national election.

Suppressing free speech... making 3 year olds cry.

2004-09-17T08:35:00.000-07:00

It has always amazed me that those who would have you believe they are the most tolerant folks on the planet are the ones who kick down yard signs, proliferate "newspeak" and now this... No shame. Again, it is the ends that justify the means... and I thought it was all about the children.

LA Times: CBS News Was Had - from foxnews.com

2004-09-16T11:27:00.000-07:00

CBS News Sunday anchor and chief Washington correspondent Bob Schieffer (search) says he hopes his network does some more reporting to prove that the National Guard memos it obtained are real, insisting, "we have to find some way to show ... they are not forgeries."

What's more, Schieffer, host of "Face the Nation," says Dan Rather is, "absolutely convinced these documents are real," adding, "[it's] completely out of the question" that it's all a set up.

Newspaper editorials, meanwhile, are now weighing in on the controversy, with even the reliably liberal LA Times concluding, "CBS News was had," and the Arizona Republic calling it a, "journalism nightmare."

What's the frequency Kenneth?

2004-09-16T10:19:00.000-07:00

In Today's New_Berlin_Citizen, Charlie Sykes writes the following: Since May, "According to the Media Research Center, ABC, CBS and NBC together ha[ve] done a total of 9 stories on the Swift boat vets. By contrast by mid-August the networks had done75 stories on the accusation that Bush had been AWOL from the National Guard."

Ummmm.... what's fer lunch John John??

2004-09-15T18:55:00.000-07:00

From a Slate.com article: "...talk[ing] about how he has difficulty deciding what to eat at restaurants... Kerry said 'You know when they give you the menu, I'm always struggling'... A cook at a local restaurant...solves Kerry's dilemma by serving 'whatever he's cooked up that day. I think that's the way it ought to work for confused people like me who can't make up our minds what we're going to eat.'

oh, boy!

It's Official Now

2004-09-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

THANK YOU FOR BEING A GREAT MEMBER!
--from a coupon booklet sent to me by Costco

Drudge Reminds Us of Another CBS Gaff

2004-09-15T09:34:00.000-07:00

So whatever happened to the Israeli mole inside the Pentagon? Where are the impending arrests as reported by Leslie Stahl? Wasn't this the most talked-about fantasy security breach we could have imagined? My lord, even I thought there were black ops helicopters about to land in my backyard. And now we find there is nothing there.... Sound familiar? But it matters not, I can hear the folks at the elite parties, coffee houses, NY bistros & movie theaters repeating this rumor until they are not just sure... but positive it is the truth. See my review of Angels & Demons on Amazon.com for more good fiction based on poor "facts".

Packers Win in Carolina - week 1

2004-09-14T07:23:00.000-07:00

Surprised is an understatement. I did not expect the Pack to be able to move the ball as well as they did. It was nice to see an aggressive defensive effort as well. Green and Gold bodies were flying all over the place, as jail-break after jail-break was perpetrated by the Pack's defense.

Coolness: Favre, the Pack's offensive line, the Pack's defensive scheme, 3 3rd and long conversions & Hannibal Navies.
Bummers: Injuries to Grady Jackson, Steve Smith & Davenport.

Intellectual Dishonesty in the Extreme

2004-09-13T13:18:00.000-07:00

Something interesting & rather spooky happens when a person decides that his convictions cannot weather the light of day. This diseased state of mind is completely at odds with critical thought and intellectually dishonest. The phenomonon is most often attributed to hard-core partisans (usually the so-called "far-right" who believe what they believe because they are small-minded), the unioneers (left-wingers whose families have always voted Democrat and haven't the mental wherewithal to know why) & the ignorant masses (whose daily exploits can be observed on reruns of COPS every night in all of their technicolor glory). What our landed & learned academic elitists would have you think is that they are above reproach in this regard.

What Rather is saying to us with his refusal to acknowledge the truth about this story in particular, his bias in general & the state of journalsm in America is as follows:

1) I will ask the questions here
2) You will listen to me because I am in New York & you are in fly-over country. I attend parties where people discuss & debate things other than the Packers' last footbal game.
3) I am a journalist dammit... it is a higher calling you wouldn't understand out there in the boondocks. Why don't you go back to your 9-5 grind, eating at shitty restaurants, listening to shitty music & watching Rosanne while you lay on your trashed couch? Don't try to grasp things your pedigree cannot possibly understand.
4) The ends justify the means... you just don't get what is at stake yet. Again, leave it to me. I know all about these things. I will deliver to you what you need... but you really need to butt out & let me do my job already.
5) If not now, then when? If not me, than who? What we need is action. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!
6) Don't bother me with details... elections aren't won or lost on details.
7) I have a reputation at stake!! Stop fucking with it.

This is what America hears... because this is what Rather believes. Fuck what he says... I draw my opinions from what he does... or in this case fails to do.

Rather Bad Liars

2004-09-13T10:15:00.000-07:00

Dan Rather's 60-Minutes libel about falsified George W. Bush's National Guard documents is heating up, and you can of course check everything out at InstaPundit or PowerLineBlog.com or the Kausfiles. Fascinating story.

Politicians lie, of course, and bad politicians lie badly. The really sad thing in this instance is that we have the major media acting as flak for this sad-sack-o-shit that the Democrats have nominated this time around. Now, just about everybody tells a lie now and again (Honey, does this dress make me look fat?), but it is a matter of common courtesy to put enough effort into crafting your lies that the targeted consumer thereof doesn't have to act like an absolute moron in the process of pretending to swallow it.

People like to talk about George W. Bush's intellectual laziness and lack of curiosity, but what hasn't been widely remarked is how absolutely lazy in every respect the other candidate is. I don't know if that is a function of prostate surgery, or his lifelong inclination. All I know is that it's very insulting the way this guy doesn't put in enough effort to get his story straight in the least, and it seems to extend to his whole operation. I think that perhaps this is in part due to the calculation that the media is going to make things easy on them. Well, those bad old days are over, IMHO.

What he said...

2004-09-10T19:06:00.000-07:00

It is likely you will not like us much. We are likely to speak our mind with special fervor only known to rabid wolverines. If you are easily offended, we really do recommend you find somewhere else to front your wares. If, on the other hand, you like verbal bloodsport... welcome!!

What's a Nice Guy/Girl Like You Doing in a Place Like This?

2004-09-09T05:48:00.000-07:00

Care for a cigarette? Can I buy you a drink?

You must have taken a wrong turn somewhere, because you've stumbled into the Collins Brothers' blog. It's a pretty noir place, except we don't cotton to no fancy Frenchie words around here. See that guy over there? He's been hanging out here waiting for something to happen for quite a while. He'll probably wake up in his skivvies with no money in his pockets in the back room.

If you know what's good for you, you'll turn around and walk out that door while you still can, because we play rough in here, and honestly, we don't care what most people think, and if you hold out your bleeding heart in here, we're liable to piss on it, or stub out our cigarettes on it.

Basically, this is where we take a bat to doofuses. So if that's your idea of a good time--hey! you're in the right place!